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[Guest Post] Abby from Spirit FM: How motherhood taught me to respect all God’s kids.

abbyThis post is one in a series of guest posts to appear Mondays until I finish writing the book. Enjoy!
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The other day I caught myself thinking unkind thoughts about someone. I honestly can’t remember who it was or what I was thinking, but I do remember what made me stop what I was doing: Being a mom.

Several years ago my best friend and I were talking about people we saw at the local Wal-Mart who were less than clean and not using the most polite language. Let me just say, I’m not proud of this conversation, and I don’t have any problem with Wal-Mart. I shop there all the time. Back to the point, we were putting them down and she said, “Well, they’re God’s children, too.”

She’s right.

That comment is so elementary but we sometimes cast off the simple stuff when we become more “spiritually mature.” It has stayed with me for years and has taken on an entirely different meaning now that I’m a mom.

You see, the fastest way for someone to get to my heart is to be nice to my kids. And conversely, the fastest way to my bad side is to be mean to them. I took Liam to the play area at the mall a few months ago and he waved and said hello to another mom. She did a half-smile and kind of rolled her eyes at him. Excuse me? Did you not see, feel and hear the cuteness that was coming at you just then? What’s wrong with you, lady? In a split second, she became my worst enemy.

I am so in love with my kids that whatever is done to them is done to me. When someone is mean to them, I hurt. When someone is kind to them, I feel all warm and fuzzy and want to give that person a big hug.

So if I say something rude about someone, I’m doing to God what the play area mom did to me. Yikes. Not good.

Thankfully, God is way more forgiving and understanding than I am, but that isn’t a green light to speak unkindly to or about one of his kids. I want God to always want to give me a big hug, not be in pain because of my unkind words. Just like me, the way to God’s heart is to be kind to his children. It’s so elementary and so “what it’s all about” all at the same time.

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This post originally appeared on Spirit FM’s Mom Squad blog and was used with permission.

About the blogger: Abby Brundage is the morning show host and promotions director at Spirit FM 90.5, Tampa Bay’s Hit Christian Music! She lives in Seffner, Fla. – a suburb of a suburb of Tampa. It’s a sub-suburb! She has been married to her husband Josh since 2008 and they have two adorable sons. Click here to read her Spirit FM Mom Squad blog.

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[Guest Post] Br. Ryan Harkins, LC: On discerning a vocation.

Ryan-HarkinsThis post — by Br. Ryan Harkins, LC — is one in a series of guest posts to appear Mondays until I finish writing the book. I met Br. Ryan last summer while we both took the weeklong course Theology of the Body I at the Theology of the Body Institute in Pennsylvania. Pumped to share some of his wisdom with you. Enjoy! -Arleen

If you’ve ever seen the Disney movie Lion King, you’d remember the scene with the laughing hyenas cringing every time they heard the word “Mufasa.” This was me every time I heard the word “vocation.” Why did I cringe? I cringed because I knew it was related to a will that was not my own, but God’s. I think this is the natural reaction we tend to have towards anything we don’t have full control over. But here’s the good news:

It is very normal.

A vocation is a calling from God. We believe as Catholics and Christians that God did not create us and then leave us on our own to figure everything out. We believe, rather, that he created us and in doing so he stays with us on this journey through life every step of the way. If that be the case, than it would only make sense that every single person on earth, created in his own divine image, has what is called a “vocation” in life. But this word is in no way linked to a restraint on one’s own freedom — quite the contrary. It is an invitation from the Creator himself to do what he has marked out for you since the beginning of time. It is not an imposition on the will, but a loving response one who has experienced his love deeply makes toward him and wants only to please him in all that he or she does.

When one looks at vocation from this angle, he or she sees more clearly the “calling” as a way to prove his love for God, and the least he can do for him, due to all he or she has received from him. Then the famous adage comes into play: “God is never outdone in generosity.” The little you give to him starting today, the more you will see him giving back to you, a hundred fold. Ultimately, what is it that he gives you back? The exact thing your heart has been craving since as far as you can remember: happiness and a deep sense of peace in every area of your life.

The other day on Instagram (ryanharkinslc), I saw a post from “CatholicThinker,” who quoted Thomas Merton with the following:

“Discovering vocation does not mean scrambling toward some prize just beyond my reach but accepting the treasure of true self I already possess. Vocation does not come from a voice out there calling me to be something I am not. It comes from a voice in here calling me to be the person I was born to be, to fulfill the original selfhood given me at birth by God.”

I think this quote does a good job clarifying what is happening when one is following or trying to follow one’s vocation in life. It is something that is ultimately wanted and longed for within the heart of that person, it stirs up from within, and when it is found, it is settled with a deep sense of inner peace and happiness. There are three ways to go about this search for inner peace: prayer, spiritual direction, and the sacraments.

My favorite quote from Mother Teresa is the following: “Silence begets Faith, Faith begets Charity, Charity begets Service, and Service begets Peace.” We could spend a whole other article on this one quote, but I think here the most important thing to consider is the “silence” she begins with. It is through silence, through prayer that all the rest follows from, ultimately leading toward our heart’s desire, inner peace. Spiritual direction is also very important in discerning one’s vocation in life for it is through the opening up of one’s heart to another who is wiser in the spiritual life, that one can better understand where it is God is leading him or her and what his or her next step should be. What should be talked about in spiritual direction is the “silence” one has been going through beforehand. Lastly are the sacraments, for the sacraments are grace, and the very thing needed to follow any vocation in life. It has been said before that life is hell without God and I think that is because so many people are trying to live their lives on their own without any support from their Creator and what it is he has left us through the Church. Closeness to the sacraments, the Eucharist and Confession especially, is half the battle.

With this and a devoted love to the Blessed Virgin is one able to discern well his or her vocation in life; obtaining the happiness and peace his or her heart desires, and doing what St. Catherine of Sienna said and all the saints have followed: “living heaven all the way to heaven.”

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About the blogger:  Br. Ryan Harkins is a seminarian with the Legionaries of Christ. He joined the Legion in 2007 after giving a year of missionary service with Regnum Christi, a movement the Legionaries are affiliated with. Since joining, he’s spent a year in Cheshire, CT and Dublin, IR doing his novitiate. Afterwards he returned to Cheshire to do his studies in humanities and then to Thornwood, NY where he spent two years doing his bachelor’s in Philosophy and assisting in youth work in the greater New York area. He is currently in his second year of internship and works with a group of Regnum Christi missionaries who are volunteering a year of service to the Church in Chicago, IL.

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[Guest Post] Anthony Baratta: Marriage or priesthood? The best advice I’ve ever heard.

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This post is one in a series of guest posts to appear Mondays until I finish writing the book. Enjoy! -Arleen

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Life is confusing for aspiring evangelical pastors who convert to Catholicism. We always pictured preaching and counseling every week and coming home to a wife and kids. In the Catholic Church, you only get to check one box. Though I was a supporter of priestly celibacy from the start of my conversion, it didn’t mean the situation wasn’t difficult. I wanted to preach, I wanted to lead a flock, but I also dreamed of being a husband and a father.

During my discernment, I was attending a Steubenville conference as a youth group chaperone. When they made a call for potential priests to go forward, I walked to the front, telling God I was willing even if I was confused. Later that month, I listened to a homily about the incredible need for priests in the US, for young men to commit their lives to Christ and His Church. I felt like the Holy Spirit was convicting me, though afterwards I just felt guilty. “Ok, God, you win, I’ll wave the white flag just like I did in becoming Catholic.”

Not long after, my confirmation sponsor had me over for dinner at his place. He had studied for a couple years to become a priest before discerning that priesthood was not for him, and now was married and had an adorable baby girl toddling around the apartment. We started talking about discernment and he told me something that totally changed how I thought about marriage and priesthood.

“‘There’s a need for priests’ is not a good reason to think about being a priest. It shouldn’t play a role at all. Do you know why? Because there’s just as much a need for godly husbands and fathers. Our Church, our country, our world, they need both.”

He was right. Less than a month later I met Jackie, and the rest is history. To all the young men out there discerning the priesthood, it’s an amazing call and blessing to have the opportunity to be a priest. Pray, pray, pray, and explore the joys and trials of priesthood. But don’t let “there’s a need” determine your choice. God wants disciples willing to do anything and go anywhere for Him. He’ll take care of the rest.

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About the blogger: Anthony Baratta is a 24-year-old writer and newly married husband who left seminary to become Catholic in March of 2012. Read more about Anthony’s journey at his blog, Evangelical to Catholic, and on Facebook and Twitter.

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[Guest Post] Jackie Francois: The devil wants you to settle in your relationships.

This post is one in a series of guest posts to appear Mondays until I finish writing the book. Enjoy! -Arleen

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Besides choosing to give Christ my entire heart and life at 18 (after falling in love with Him in the Eucharist), the best decision I ever made was to wait 28 years for the man of my dreams. There were so many times I could’ve settled for a nice Catholic guy who treated me well and bored me to tears. I knew I never wanted to tell my children, “Well, your dad loved me and seemed nice enough, so I married him.” Ugh. Gag me with a spork. Heck no. I knew I wanted to tell my children, “I waited patiently for a man I was passionately in love with, who led me to holiness, who was my best friend, and who I couldn’t wait to be married to!” Sure enough, when Bobby Angel came along, I knew I found that man.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of confused and conflicted young adults out there who seem tempted to settle for a spouse. There are a lot of people who date because it’s nice to have a warm body gazing back at you. Listen carefully to me: there are tons of holy, attractive, fun people out there. (I know, because I’m trying to play matchmaker and set them all up with each other). Seriously, though, you are only called to marry one of them. You are not called to be a polygamist (thank God!). Just because you date an attractive, holy Catholic doesn’t mean he/she is the “one.” In the past, every time I met a single Catholic guy, my head would always say, “Is this the one? Is this the one?” I was like a hamster on crack (like most single Catholic young adults who see every other single Catholic young adult as a target for romance). I kept rationalizing my good Catholic guy dates, saying, “Well, he doesn’t make me laugh, but I could deal with that,” or “I’m not really attracted to him, but I don’t want to be vain so I could deal with that” or “We really don’t have great conversations, but I could be a like a cloistered wife vowed to silence for the rest of my life, right?”
When I met Bobby, though, everything clicked. I didn’t have to rationalize anything. In fact, both of us are still in shock that two human beings could fit so perfectly (even in our faults) with each other. I’m sure God watches us stumble through relationships, laughing and thinking, “Oh you of little faith. Why do you not trust me?” Sure enough, when we settle, it’s because we don’t trust God enough. We don’t trust that God is a bigger romantic than we are, that God is the most passionate being there is (in fact, who endured the passion out of love for us), and who wants the absolute best for our lives. When we don’t trust God, we commit the original sin of Adam and Eve all over again: we grasp at the gift of “knowledge” rather than wait for God to give us the gift He’s had for us all along (see CCC 396-397). In Fill These Hearts, Christopher West writes, “That’s pride at its root: we don’t trust in God’s designs, so we choose to follow our own” (p. 112). Remember: God is the one who has amazing plans for us, “plans for our welfare not for woe, plans for a future full of hope” (Jeremiah 29:11). It’s the stupid devil who wants us to grasp at relationships and who tempts us to settle for what’s just “okay.”

To me, some of the most courageous men and women are those who break off their relationships out of love for the other. They realize that the other person deserves someone better than them, that they are wasting the other’s time from finding their true vocation (whether be it to another person in marriage or maybe even a vocation to celibacy as a priest, nun, sister, brother, consecrated, or single person), or that they would be settling for a life of eye-rolling and frustration. This is extremely difficult. Bobby and I can speak from experience—he broke off an engagement and I broke up with a man who was a month from proposing. In the end, we were both extremely glad that the Holy Spirit convicted us and helped us have courage (a word that literally means, “to act from the heart”) to do what was best for all.

When I was single, I told myself, “I would rather be joyful and single than miserable with someone.” Why? Because I know that God wants us to be radiant witnesses of his love to the world. When I was single, I was totally free to do this because I had peace and joy founded in Christ who completely satisfied me. When I was in previous relationships, however, I was filled with anxiety, wondering if the guy didn’t get my sense of humor, didn’t like my craziness, didn’t like my love for Daily Mass, the Rosary or Adoration. I changed myself for the guys and didn’t like who I was with them. I knew that the man I was called to marry would not make me feel imprisoned or trapped, but would give me freedom to be my authentic self, freedom to be a radiant witness for the Lord together, and freedom to love God, my neighbor, and myself more authentically.

Freedom is huge in a relationship. No, not the philosophy of freedom given by Wiz Kalifa and Snoop Dogg; their “freedom” allows them to get drunk, smoke weed, and be a player for them hoes. No. Authentic freedom enables us to do what is right. Freedom in a relationship has the signs of peace and joy. A lack of freedom in a relationship gives you that anxiety in your belly, that “icky” feeling, that unrest.

So, my question to you (if you are in a relationship with someone to whom you are not married) is this: Does your relationship help you to be freer or less free? Is your relationship life-giving or life-sucking?

Here are some questions that you should ask yourself. Some questions are bigger “no-brainers” than others. We’ll start with the “no-brainer” red flags at the top and go to more subtle signs you aren’t free in a relationship to be the man or woman of God you were created to be.

If you say “yes” to any of these questions, you should get out of that relationship:

Does your significant other abuse you physically, emotionally, verbally, or sexually?

Do they pressure you to sin or make fun of you for not sinning? (Calling you a “prude” because you won’t do sexual things with them, making you feel guilty for not drinking/getting drunk, pressuring you to see a smutty movie or watch pornography, or pressuring you to live with them, etc.)

Do you feel like you are being used as an object for their pleasure?

Are you afraid of bringing up tough issues, annoyances, or frustrations, for fear they might get defensive, lash out at you, or shut down?

Do you feel like you’re walking on eggshells with what you say or do for fear they might break up with you (again)?

Are you afraid to show your weaknesses, because they expect you to be perfect?

Do you have that constant pit of anxiety in your belly either when you are with them or apart from them? Do you feel that anxiety when you think of marrying them?

Are you staying with them out of lust, out of fear of being alone, out of security, or out of fear of never finding anyone else who will be with you?

Are you confused about the relationship constantly? Do you go back and forth about whether or not this is “the one?”

Do you feel relieved when they are gone?

If you say “no” to any of these questions, you should re-think your relationship:

Are you free to be your true self (who you are with your best girl friends or guy friends)?

Do you feel loved in who you are, even in your weaknesses?

Do you feel challenged to be a better, holier person?

Are you free to be child-like, to laugh, to have joy with your significant other?

Do you feel challenged spiritually, intellectually, emotionally, and physically?

Is your relationship healing? Is their love helping you to deal with issues of the past without them being a “savior” to you (rather, they point you to “the Savior” for healing)?

Are you willing to spend 24 hours 7 days a week with them for the rest of your life?

Are they your best friend with whom you have romance?

Bobby and I will be praying for all those who read this blog, that you may truly do God’s good, pleasing, and perfect will (Romans 12:1-2)

-Jackie

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About the blogger:  Jackie Francois Angel is a full-time traveling speaker, songwriter, worship leader and blogger from Orange County, CA. She has been involved in youth ministry since she was 18 and has been able to sing and speak all over the United States and on 5 different continents. Aside from being signed as an artist and having two albums with Spirit&Song/OCP, Jackie is also involved with Life Teen, National Catholic Register, Steubenville Conferences, Ascension Press, March for Life, and NCYC as a speaker, worship leader, blogger, and/or webcast or program host. In August of 2013, Jackie married the love of her life, Bobby Angel. Together, they love to hang out at the beach, swing dance, watch Super Hero movies, write blogs, speak together, and travel around sharing God’s plan for authentic love. You can check out their blogs/videos at www.jackieandbobby.com.

Connect with Jackie: To see if Jackie is coming to speak or sing near you, check out www.jackiefrancois.com/tour, or follow her on Twitter, Facebook, and Instagram, @JackieFrancois.

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[Guest Post] Hubert Sanders, Jr.: The sanctity of marriage is under crisis.

058-Sanders-8951-5_0x7_0-28AThis post is one in a series of guest posts to appear Mondays until I finish writing the book. Enjoy! -Arleen

A proper understanding of marriage is crucial in this post-modern era. Too often marriage is treated as simply a human institution that involves a contract between two people who would like to be together on their own terms. Once these private terms are not satisfied, one feels entitled and often encouraged to terminate the contract and find another who is interested in doing “business.”

Despite the “language” of love being used, society’s behavior in the realm of marital life amounts to nothing more than business transactions. We often hear that marriage has to be a “fifty–fifty” exchange in order for success. This concept also sounds reasonable but still is imbued with a conditional barter scheme. Once marriage – the most intimate natural personal union that is the fundamental cell [1] of society – is taken as merely an exchange of commercial goods, de-personalization of the society begins to occur. The children that result from this type of marriage are subliminally viewed as property couples are entitled to as opposed to being gifts couples gratuitously receive [2]. One could say, “Once the building block (family) is desecrated the house (society) falls.”

Satan is deeply involved in this degradation of marriage through his attack on the expression and fulfillment of marital love: the sexual sphere [3]. In the beginning, we see the “subtle serpent” helping to expose our first parents’ nakedness (Gen 3:7), which seemingly indicates a thwarting of their original intimacy, which has its full expression in “becoming one flesh” (Gen 2:24). [4] This exposition of “nakedness” occurred through a dialogue where upon Satan slightly twisted the truth, which led to a lie that is believed and obeyed by Adam and Eve.

The resulting distortion of marital relations continues to present day, fleshing itself out particularly in one of the most controversial issues of marital sexuality: artificial contraception. To see this most malicious attack on marriage, we must examine God’s original plan for marriage and the role of the conjugal act within marriage. To that end, we will explore the inner life of God and His actions that flow from that life. These two aspects, who God is and what He does, will provide a supernatural mirror that gives deep insight into the marital covenant and its fulfillment in conjugal love.

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About the blogger: Hubert Sanders is “a family man,” married to Monica and father to four daughters (Gabrielle, Rhea, Michelle, and Nylah). He teaches theology as an adjunct instructor at Sacred Heart Major Seminary in Detroit, MI and teaches Catholic theology full-time at a Catholic high-school, Brother Rice. He has a Master of Arts degree in theology from Sacred Heart Major Seminary and works part-time as bookkeeper at a local church. Click here to visit his blog and here to connect with him on Twitter.

This post originally appeared on hubertsanders.com and was used with permission.

[1] Humanae Vitae #23

[2] ND 2252;cf Donum Vitae

[3] Von Hildebrand, Dietrich, Love Marriage and the Catholic Conscience, Sophia Institute Press, Manchester, NH, 1969, p.31

[4] Hahn, Scott, A Father who keeps His promises, Servant Publications, Ann Arbor, MI 1998, p.66