Are You Sure You Aren’t Looking for a Fairytale?

“Your goal to find a kind, loving Catholic husband who will treat you like a princess fits my goal of marrying a princess like you.”

That, my friend, is a bold way to end a first message you send to a woman whose CatholicMatch profile doesn’t say “princess” anywhere. And—confession—I didn’t respond to him, for lots of reasons.

I’m in Florida and he isn’t. He wants to take me dancing, he said. You couldn’t pay me to go dancing on a date. But even if I were open to a long-distance relationship right now, his princess line may have done him in.

Here’s why.

New to my work? Check out my book, Chastity Is For Lovers: Single, Happy, and (Still) a Virgin.

3 Lies to Stop Believing About Conflict

Many of us act as if conflict in our relationships is intolerable. But we don’t avoid conflict because it’s truly unbearable. We make it unbearable by avoiding it. Nobody can get better at getting through it without actually going through it. 

And you have to go through it. Without conflict, new levels of emotional intimacy really aren’t an option for you.

But we’ll never be open to conflict if we don’t stop believing the 3 lies about it that I listed in my latest post for CatholicMatch.

Click here to read it.

Did God create me able to do this?

During this morning’s workout, I had an awakening. (The gym is as good for moving your mind and spirit as it is for moving your body.)

While I struggled to want to finish all five rounds of the workout, I winced, convinced it would take me forever. And I said what I said—I didn’t struggle to finish the rounds. I struggled to want to finish.

I am a power athlete, not an endurance athlete. And until this morning, I assumed my body is what makes that so. But in my fourth round of a 200 meter run, 10 hang power cleans (unbroken at a challenging weight), 53 single-unders, and 10 push jerks (also unbroken, same weight as the cleans), I saw something I hadn’t seen before.

Continue reading “Did God create me able to do this?”

How do you explain chastity to people who don’t practice it?

Several years ago, on the patio outside a strip mall pub in Jacksonville, Fla., I told my story into a mic during a meeting of Theology on Tap. Most of the people within earshot knew what to expect. But passersby were surprised by what they heard: “I’m a virgin.”

And though he had not signed up to let me teach him about the virtue of chastity, one passerby actually stopped. Under one arm, he clutched the Chinese takeout he’d picked up from the restaurant next door.

Instead of going home to eat, he listened intently while I explained how to practice chastity—that is, to do the right thing every day regarding sex, to honor the Lord with our sexuality. The man’s eyes were wide while I told the crowd we’re all called to practice chastity, no matter how old we are, no matter whether we’re single or married or priest or nun, and no matter our pasts.

And when I ended my chastity talk, that passerby raised his hand. He had never heard of chastity and he had questions. Lots of them. Difficult ones.

Do your friends who don’t practice chastity have hard questions, too? Or maybe you’re the one who has some questions.

Six years ago—on Nov. 28, 2014—Ave Maria Press published my book, Chastity Is for Lovers: Single, Happy, and (Still) a Virgin, with an important goal: to answer those questions.

In honor of my book’s sixth birthday, signed copies are $14 for one, $20 for two, and shipping is FREE through Nov. 30 on orders of $20 or more from my store.

But if signed copies aren’t your thing and you’d still like to stock up, you also can get 30 percent off and free shipping plus a FREE Advent book when you order Chastity Is for Lovers (or other Ave Maria Press titles) while using the code BLACK20 through Sunday (Nov. 29) here.

Six years later and I’m still moved by the feedback I get from readers—women and men, single and married, parents and grandparents, teens and college kids. I’m still doing my best to answer their chastity questions. And I hope my book helps you do that, too.

Don’t Let Your Significant Other Accept You As You Are

Our significant others shouldn’t accept us as we are.

Nonetheless, many of them do. And there’s a virtue in that. It is selfless to let their preferences slide so we can get what we want. There is generosity when they endure parts of us that clash with parts of them. They are gracious to keep their mouths shut when they could call us out for behaving badly. And we should be grateful that they accept us as we are. 

Though if we’re honest, we have to admit: We shouldn’t always let them. A girlfriend or boyfriend (or husband or wife) doesn’t ask you to change your behavior isn’t proof that you have none worth changing. None of us needs to be told that we could be healthier and holier. All of us have room to grow. We are all called to die to self in relationships.

But if I expect someone else’s death to self to result in his or her settling for my bad behavior, I’m expecting to be in relationships that won’t sanctify me. When I let my significant other settle for my status quo, I’ll settle for it, too—I’ll never grow.

But that doesn’t mean we don’t need to. Use the questions I pose in my latest CatholicMatch post to determine whether (and where) we have room to improve.