[Guest Post] What I learned about patience by being single.

sarah-vbGrowing up, I always figured I’d get married someday.

That, along with having kids, was just one of those things you did when you were an adult. I more or less kept that mentality up through college, which included a break-up with a guy who I was sure at the time was “The One.” When that ended, as much as I still wanted to be with someone, I figured maybe God was telling me to hold off in the relationship department for awhile. My “someday” was not at that time. So I put dating on the back-burner and instead focused on my college classes and socializing with friends, figuring that “someday” would happen at an undisclosed point in time after graduation and finding an adult job. Then a funny thing happened as graduation loomed closer and closer: good friends started getting engaged. Suddenly I found myself going to bachelorette parties and bridal showers, shopping for bridesmaid dresses and wedding gifts. While my “someday” was at some point in the distant future, my friends’ “somedays” were happening right then.

As happy as I was for my friends, all that wedding fever brought back to the surface my desire to be with someone. While I wanted to wait on God and on who or what He had in store for me, my flawed human nature got the better of me. I began to grow impatient. When would it be my turn to shop for a wedding dress? When would I get to have a bachelorette party thrown in my honor? Not only was I not getting married, I wasn’t even dating anybody, and there were zero prospects in my immediate future. So, since God seemed to be ignoring me completely, I decided to take matters into my own hands. What resulted was a string of hilariously bad dates with grossly incompatible men: the blind date with zero chemistry. The Italian guy with whom I had nothing in common because he was just too European and I was just too American. The Australian who informed me on the first (and only) date that he needed sex in a relationship because he was an affectionate person. The guy from Starbucks who was just…off. At the end of it, I was frustrated and still nowhere closer to my “someday.” Meanwhile, friends were still getting married.

Looking back, I think all those cringe-worthy dates were part of God’s lesson in patience. I think He was trying to show me that, by taking matters into my own hands, I was robbing myself of something way better He had in store for me. Along with learning the hard way what I DIDN’T want in a spouse, God was also showing me qualities I DID want, both through people I met in church and elsewhere. And I realized that the people with those desirable qualities were worth waiting for. That God’s plan, regardless of whether or not it included marriage, was worth waiting for. I learned that just because I was single didn’t mean God loved me any less than my married counterparts. He wasn’t ignoring me. He had His best in store for me, regardless of my marital status. I just had to be patient and trust Him.

So that is what I am doing. I’m still single. No prospects. But I’m truly okay with that. I’m enjoying His best as a single, growing in my faith and discovering new interests and hobbies. I’m focusing less on when my “someday” will be and more on resting in Him and trusting in Him. And I can’t wait to see what else He has in store for me.

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About the blogger: Sarah Van Blaricum lives in Tampa, FL with her fur baby, a mini schnauzer named Ava. She works full-time at an ad agency in the Bay Area, but likes to pretend that writing is her real job. She blogs here, tweets here, Googles here, and would love it if you stopped by to say hi.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • I think patience’s twin brother is faith. You’ve got to have faith that you are following God’s will for your life — not your friends, not your classmates, not your boyfriends, not church members, and not your parents. This is not not easy for any older single. I ask myself: What is really important right now? I have a roof over my head, food on the table, clothes on my back, and shoes on my feet. In my Bible, I can’t find a wedding planner guide or details about bachelorette parties, bridal showers, bridesmaid dresses, or wedding gifts. I’m not saying they’re not important at all — just trying to put things in perspective. We live in a society that tries to make singles feel like we’re inferior and incomplete. I don’t believe that and know in my heart that he loves us just as much as any married couple or family. Keep the faith and be ready for whatever he has in store for you.

  • I looooove this post. That was absolutely my story for a good while. I trusted God’s provision, but I didn’t quite trust His timing. Thus, I led myself down a very crappy road of crappy boys. However, as a married woman now, I can tell you that God will TOTALLY use those single years to sharpen you and allow you to have an intimacy with the Father that is just unique to that alone time. CHERISH IT. It will help you when “someday” comes and you need your own faith to go on. Thanks for this…God totally will use your story to help others in the same boat 🙂

    Brooke

    • SVB

      Thanks for the kind words, Brooke!

  • SVB

    This comment has been removed by the author.

  • This was so awesome to read! I was in a relationship with a man who I thought was “The One” similar to your case, but I guess God has different plans for both of us. So excited for Lent this year. Thanks for the encouraging post!