3 Lessons and 2 Tips from Gomer

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Gomer.

3 Lessons and 2 Tips is a series of interviews in which some of my favorite people (and probably some of yours) share three lessons they’ve learned by being married, plus two tips for single people.

This edition features Mike Gormley, aka “Gomer,” who is hilarious and has been following Jesus Christ seriously since he was 17.

He has struggled with atheism, self-hatred, and a very nerdy persona in a house of athletes and sportsball fans. He is husband to Shannon and father to four insane children who are the delights of his life.

Gomer has been in full time churchy-work for nine years and runs his own side project called LayEvangelist.com and an awkward (his word) and awesome (my word) podcast for young adults, called Catching Foxes.

He is gracious to share three lessons and two tips with us:

Yes, I am single.

A Guest Post By Rachel (Clare) Teague

This is a guest post by Rachel (Clare) Teague, who graciously agreed to let me share this with you.
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Rachel (Clare) Teague

Dear All Concerned with My Future: Yes, I am single.

That doesn’t mean I’m going to be single for the rest of my life. It doesn’t mean I can’t “get a man.” It doesn’t mean I’m depressed and terribly lonely.

What it means is:

God, my almighty Father, wants to take me on a walk, just the two of us, for a while. He wants to shower me with the beauties of life, even those that hurt and scare me like hell itself.

He wants me to be His little girl, until I am ready to grow into someone’s wife, support, soulmate, best friend, lover, debate partner, dance partner, and all around third-biggest fan. (God and Mama Mary are numbers 1 and 2, respectively.)

Thoughts on being 30, unmarried, and childless.

This post is by my friend Mandy Dobbelmann. Mandy, founder and editor of Forte E Bello. is a writer, singer/songwriter, and music teacher with a love for life, people, adventure and living simply. She is passionate about using her gift for writing and music to be a voice for change.

Over the past year and half since I started my blog, I have received my share of messages and inquiries regarding my single-hood. By this stage in my life it has become something I’ve just grown accustomed to, not only from my blog readers but from friends and family.

The endless questions/comments are immanent – “Why aren’t you married yet?”, “Are you being too picky?”, “Maybe you should make yourself more available/pursuable.” By this point in life, I’ve heard it all. Especially considering I come from the midwest (Minnesota) – a land of young brides, full nests, and Martha Stewart-esque women.

How to snap out of an ‘I’m still single’ pity party.

Last year, I stood at a booth at a women’s conference, selling shirts and telling visitors about the virtue of chastity. One of them — in her 50s and still single — loitered at the table until she found the words.

“This doesn’t work,” she said.

“What doesn’t work?” I asked her.

She pointed at the big, foam board replica of the cover of my book, Chastity Is For Lovers — which, then, had not yet published.

“This stuff,” she said. “I’ve lived my whole life for God, and I still don’t have a husband.”

Want to find true intimacy? Then drop the act.

Relationships are hard. This is not new information. But I propose that part of what makes them hard is not the adjustment and disclosure that authenticity demands of us. Instead, it’s our relentless resistance to adjusting and disclosing.

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I bet Donald Miller would agree. Over the weekend, I finished reading his latest book, Scary Close: Dropping the Act and Finding True Intimacy. In it, Miller discusses a painful disruption of his life (which started with the demise of an engagement), his later relationship with the woman he’d actually marry, and how his experiences resulted over time in an ability to pursue what he never had pursued before: true intimacy.