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[Guest Post] Br. Ryan Harkins, LC: On discerning a vocation.

Ryan-HarkinsThis post — by Br. Ryan Harkins, LC — is one in a series of guest posts to appear Mondays until I finish writing the book. I met Br. Ryan last summer while we both took the weeklong course Theology of the Body I at the Theology of the Body Institute in Pennsylvania. Pumped to share some of his wisdom with you. Enjoy! -Arleen

If you’ve ever seen the Disney movie Lion King, you’d remember the scene with the laughing hyenas cringing every time they heard the word “Mufasa.” This was me every time I heard the word “vocation.” Why did I cringe? I cringed because I knew it was related to a will that was not my own, but God’s. I think this is the natural reaction we tend to have towards anything we don’t have full control over. But here’s the good news:

It is very normal.

A vocation is a calling from God. We believe as Catholics and Christians that God did not create us and then leave us on our own to figure everything out. We believe, rather, that he created us and in doing so he stays with us on this journey through life every step of the way. If that be the case, than it would only make sense that every single person on earth, created in his own divine image, has what is called a “vocation” in life. But this word is in no way linked to a restraint on one’s own freedom — quite the contrary. It is an invitation from the Creator himself to do what he has marked out for you since the beginning of time. It is not an imposition on the will, but a loving response one who has experienced his love deeply makes toward him and wants only to please him in all that he or she does.

When one looks at vocation from this angle, he or she sees more clearly the “calling” as a way to prove his love for God, and the least he can do for him, due to all he or she has received from him. Then the famous adage comes into play: “God is never outdone in generosity.” The little you give to him starting today, the more you will see him giving back to you, a hundred fold. Ultimately, what is it that he gives you back? The exact thing your heart has been craving since as far as you can remember: happiness and a deep sense of peace in every area of your life.

The other day on Instagram (ryanharkinslc), I saw a post from “CatholicThinker,” who quoted Thomas Merton with the following:

“Discovering vocation does not mean scrambling toward some prize just beyond my reach but accepting the treasure of true self I already possess. Vocation does not come from a voice out there calling me to be something I am not. It comes from a voice in here calling me to be the person I was born to be, to fulfill the original selfhood given me at birth by God.”

I think this quote does a good job clarifying what is happening when one is following or trying to follow one’s vocation in life. It is something that is ultimately wanted and longed for within the heart of that person, it stirs up from within, and when it is found, it is settled with a deep sense of inner peace and happiness. There are three ways to go about this search for inner peace: prayer, spiritual direction, and the sacraments.

My favorite quote from Mother Teresa is the following: “Silence begets Faith, Faith begets Charity, Charity begets Service, and Service begets Peace.” We could spend a whole other article on this one quote, but I think here the most important thing to consider is the “silence” she begins with. It is through silence, through prayer that all the rest follows from, ultimately leading toward our heart’s desire, inner peace. Spiritual direction is also very important in discerning one’s vocation in life for it is through the opening up of one’s heart to another who is wiser in the spiritual life, that one can better understand where it is God is leading him or her and what his or her next step should be. What should be talked about in spiritual direction is the “silence” one has been going through beforehand. Lastly are the sacraments, for the sacraments are grace, and the very thing needed to follow any vocation in life. It has been said before that life is hell without God and I think that is because so many people are trying to live their lives on their own without any support from their Creator and what it is he has left us through the Church. Closeness to the sacraments, the Eucharist and Confession especially, is half the battle.

With this and a devoted love to the Blessed Virgin is one able to discern well his or her vocation in life; obtaining the happiness and peace his or her heart desires, and doing what St. Catherine of Sienna said and all the saints have followed: “living heaven all the way to heaven.”

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About the blogger:  Br. Ryan Harkins is a seminarian with the Legionaries of Christ. He joined the Legion in 2007 after giving a year of missionary service with Regnum Christi, a movement the Legionaries are affiliated with. Since joining, he’s spent a year in Cheshire, CT and Dublin, IR doing his novitiate. Afterwards he returned to Cheshire to do his studies in humanities and then to Thornwood, NY where he spent two years doing his bachelor’s in Philosophy and assisting in youth work in the greater New York area. He is currently in his second year of internship and works with a group of Regnum Christi missionaries who are volunteering a year of service to the Church in Chicago, IL.

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[Guest Post] Anthony Baratta: Marriage or priesthood? The best advice I’ve ever heard.

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This post is one in a series of guest posts to appear Mondays until I finish writing the book. Enjoy! -Arleen

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Life is confusing for aspiring evangelical pastors who convert to Catholicism. We always pictured preaching and counseling every week and coming home to a wife and kids. In the Catholic Church, you only get to check one box. Though I was a supporter of priestly celibacy from the start of my conversion, it didn’t mean the situation wasn’t difficult. I wanted to preach, I wanted to lead a flock, but I also dreamed of being a husband and a father.

During my discernment, I was attending a Steubenville conference as a youth group chaperone. When they made a call for potential priests to go forward, I walked to the front, telling God I was willing even if I was confused. Later that month, I listened to a homily about the incredible need for priests in the US, for young men to commit their lives to Christ and His Church. I felt like the Holy Spirit was convicting me, though afterwards I just felt guilty. “Ok, God, you win, I’ll wave the white flag just like I did in becoming Catholic.”

Not long after, my confirmation sponsor had me over for dinner at his place. He had studied for a couple years to become a priest before discerning that priesthood was not for him, and now was married and had an adorable baby girl toddling around the apartment. We started talking about discernment and he told me something that totally changed how I thought about marriage and priesthood.

“‘There’s a need for priests’ is not a good reason to think about being a priest. It shouldn’t play a role at all. Do you know why? Because there’s just as much a need for godly husbands and fathers. Our Church, our country, our world, they need both.”

He was right. Less than a month later I met Jackie, and the rest is history. To all the young men out there discerning the priesthood, it’s an amazing call and blessing to have the opportunity to be a priest. Pray, pray, pray, and explore the joys and trials of priesthood. But don’t let “there’s a need” determine your choice. God wants disciples willing to do anything and go anywhere for Him. He’ll take care of the rest.

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About the blogger: Anthony Baratta is a 24-year-old writer and newly married husband who left seminary to become Catholic in March of 2012. Read more about Anthony’s journey at his blog, Evangelical to Catholic, and on Facebook and Twitter.

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[Q&A – Relationships] What do you say to someone who feels unlovable?

The Q: “What do you say to someone who feels unlovable, whose 20s are gone, who believes there is nobody out there for him or her?” -Trish

The A: What I’d say is not as important as what I’d do. First I’d respectfully oppose his or her viewpoint by expressing my belief that humans are of intrinsic, infinite value, on the never-ending receiving end of authentic love and unabashed affection from the creator of the universe.

Then I’d go Albert Ellis on ’em.

Albert Ellis, a now-deceased psychologist, created rational emotive behavior therapy, a counseling theory designed to nip distress-inducing, irrational thought in the bud. Its purpose, according to Dr. Greg Mulhauser, is “to help clients to replace absolutist philosophies, full of ‘musts’ and ‘shoulds’, with more flexible ones.” How we’d use it with somebody who feels unlovable, whose 20s are gone, who believes he or she never will date again or marry, is threefold:

1. We’d pinpoint the person’s ultimate current beliefs (that being unattached equals being unlovable, that people who don’t meet somebody in their 20s never meet somebody, that he or she must have a significant other, etc.).

2. Then we’d dispute them (What evidence do you have that supports the belief? What evidence contradicts it? Is the belief rational, or irrational; reasonable, or unreasonable; constructive, or destructive? In what ways does having the belief help you meet your goals? In what ways does it hurt you?).

3. Then we’d replace them with better beliefs – rational, constructive ones (How single I am doesn’t determine how lovable I am. People meet each other and establish meaningful relationships at all ages. Nothing requires me to have a significant other; I’m not breaking a law by being single, etc.).

Other helpful tools to use when we’re stuck on a distress-inducing belief include making an appointment with a mental health counselor, or scouring the five principles for determining whether a belief is rational, Ellis’s list of irrational beliefs (and their replacements), and the ABC’s.

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Q&A is an occasional feature. If you have a Q, I can come up with an A (and if I don’t have an A, I’ll find somebody who does). To submit a question, click here. No topic is taboo (although I can’t promise I will answer every question).

Click here to read all the posts in this series.

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The best parts of being single.

After a breakup once, I hugged my knees on a living room recliner and watched sitcoms through teary eyes.

Another ending.
The hard part that time was not the saying goodbye or the feeling alone. The hard part was accepting how good odds are that – if marriage is my vocation at all – it will take longer than I would like to meet another guy who meets my standards: who loves Jesus, practices chastity, does what he says he’s gonna, acts his age (and not his shoe size).
Caught up in thoughts of how long it’s going to be before we meet other good men or women is a good way to miss the good that surrounds us — to forget the best parts of being single. With the help of readers, I’ve compiled a list of them, a list I’ll read as a reminder should I find myself watching sitcoms through teary eyes again.
The best parts of being single are…

…the nearly uninterrupted pursuits of spiritual, personal, and professional growth; the cultivation of patience, acceptance of what you can’t control, and maturity (all of which are transferable to relationships); and hosting your own personal living room dance parties (just me?).

And according to readers, the best parts of being single are…

…doing whatever I want whenever I want. -Monique

…being free to come and go as I please. -Mary

…saving money. -Caleb

…being able to focus on school and my relationship with God without any distractions. -B-Ran

…being a loner when you feel like it. Also, meeting new people when getting set up. -Greg

…not having to shave every day. -Shawn

…not having to give explanations. -Carlos

…using coupons when you go out to eat. -Abraham

… making your own schedule. -Dan

…going out with the guys. -Anthony

…having opportunities to be spontaneous and travel different places on a whim. -Kelsey

…fulfilling my (current) life purpose effectively. -Discipulae

…having time for God and reflection -John

…the free-ness to serve others, because you have nothing tying you down -Pedro

…the  having no pressure! -Angel

…time to read. Excessively. -Goo

…being able to marathon bad reality TV with no one to judge you! -MCN

…Spontaneity! -Jen

…drinking out of a milk carton. -Mario

…being able to fix myself instead of “fixing” someone else. -Julie

…having the time to help and share my time with others! -Ce

…having the freedom to go on random adventures without having to check someone else’s schedule! -Aimee

…saying yes to the craziest ideas, whether study, travel or just a night out. -Laura

…prioritizing my immediate family. -Julie

…knowing more people on a deeper level. -John

…detachment from worldly and sensible things, more focus on God.? -Jason

…flirting. -Anthony

…not having to put the seat down. -Trish

…sleeping alone. -Michelle

…more time can be devoted to ministry work.? -Nathan

…you still have time to change. -Daniel

…being able to do God’s work. – P Edward

…figuring out who I am. -Marybeth

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What are your best parts of being single?

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[Q&A – Marriage] Doesn’t pre-marital living together work for some people?

Last week, in a guest post called “On Moving In Together” on Devotional Diva, I challenged the practice of pre-marital living together.

For some, I wrote, “cohabitation is a litmus test. If it works, you get married. If it doesn’t, you don’t. Because (for them,) it’s better to say ‘I’ll love you if…’ instead of ‘I’ll love you despite what’s yet to come…’ For others, cohabitation is like a practice run. If you like it, you commit. If you don’t like it, you call it quits.”

A response to the story sparked this, the latest installment of Q&A:

 The Q: “What about couples who live together, get married, and are together the rest of their lives? Couldn’t you argue that it works some, but not all, of the time?” -Corinna

The A: I am certain there are couples who cohabit, marry later, and live as happily ever after as humanly possible. But I won’t argue that it therefore works for some and not for others. This is because “living together before marriage” is not the “it” that works for the couples whose marriages last. Love is the only “it” that works. Some couples who cohabit have it, and others (I’d argue most) don’t.

Click here to read “On Moving In Together.”