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3 Lessons and 2 Tips from Lisa Hendey.

ND-20133 Lessons and 2 Tips is a series of interviews in which some of my favorite people (and probably some of yours) share three lessons they’ve learned by being married, plus two tips for single people.

This edition features Lisa Hendey, “the founder and webmaster of CatholicMom.com and the author of A Book of Saints for Catholic Moms: 52 Companions for Your Heart, Mind, Body and Soul and The Handbook for Catholic Moms: Nurturing Your Heart, Mind, Body and Soul. She married her husband, Greg, in 1986. I’m excited she took the time to share with us:

AS: Where did you meet and marry your husband? 

LH: Greg and I met as juniors at the University of Notre Dame. We had mutual friends and would occasionally see each other while crossing campus. We began dating in the Fall of our senior year. We were married a year after our graduation from Notre Dame, on May 31, 1986 at the Basilica of the Sacred Heart on campus. As you can imagine, being married at our University was a blessing not only for us, but also for our family and friends. The Basilica is such a special place! An Irish priest – Msgr. Michael Collins – who was a lifelong family friend of mine from California officiated at our wedding.

AS: What’s the first lesson you’ve learned by being married?

LH: Keep God at the center of your marriage. Continually pray for one another and with one another.

AS: And the second lesson?

LH: Enjoy each other. Greg and I don’t have identical interests, but we’ve learned to enjoy each other’s favorite pastimes. This enables us to spend our leisure time with one another, rather than away from each other. I’m not saying by any means that we are constantly together – we both have active careers and hobbies we enjoy. But we strive constantly to put our relationship first. Have fun with one another!

AS: And the third lesson? 

LH: Maintain open lines of communication, especially when you are most busy. Do not make important decisions without speaking with each other. Have stressful conversations in private, rather than in public.

AS: What’s one tip for readers who are single?

LH: Don’t rush into anything and do not compromise your values simply because you desire a relationship.

AS: And a second tip for singles?

LH: Remember that God has a perfect plan for your life! Pray for his will – not your own – to unfold in his time. Pray for the grace to be open to life’s adventures as they come. Use the extra time you may have to serve the world around you.

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Connect with Lisa: Follow her on Twitter @LisaHendey.

Click here to read all the posts in this series.

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3 Lessons and 2 Tips from Sarah Reinhard.

IMG_94563 Lessons and 2 Tips is a series of interviews in which some of my favorite people (and probably some of yours) share three lessons they’ve learned by being married, plus two tips for single people.

This edition features Sarah Reinhard, a “Catholic wife, mother, author, writer, blogger, speaker, chugger of coffee” who married her husband in November, 2003 on a day so cold it nearly snowed. Sarah’s books include A Catholic Mother’s Companion to Pregnancy and Catholic Family Fun. Grateful for the time she took to share lessons and tips with us:

AS: Where and/or how did you meet your spouse?

SR: We met at what I call the Big Green Dealership of Love: the John Deere dealership that we both worked at. I was working the parts counter and he was a mechanic. Every time we talked, it felt like a grown-up was really taking me seriously. Eventually we started dating. And now we’ve been married almost 10 years and we’re blessed with three kids.


AS: What’s the first lesson you’ve learned by being married?

SR: Don’t speak badly of your spouse. Ever. Not even in your mind.

AS: And the second lesson?

SR: Laugh together. A lot.

AS: And the third?

SR: Make time for each other. Even when you’re too busy. It’s the most important investment you’ll make in another (aside from making time for God).

AS: What’s one tip for readers who are single?

SR: God’s got your back. Yeah, yeah, I know it sounds like an empty sort of comment, but there’s hope and God knows what’s best.

AS: And a second tip for singles?

SR: Enjoy life in the present. It will change soon enough, so enjoy what you have.

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Connect with Sarah: Read more about Sarah’s work at snoringscholar.com.

Click here to read all the posts in this series.

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[Guest Post] Hubert Sanders, Jr.: The sanctity of marriage is under crisis.

058-Sanders-8951-5_0x7_0-28AThis post is one in a series of guest posts to appear Mondays until I finish writing the book. Enjoy! -Arleen

A proper understanding of marriage is crucial in this post-modern era. Too often marriage is treated as simply a human institution that involves a contract between two people who would like to be together on their own terms. Once these private terms are not satisfied, one feels entitled and often encouraged to terminate the contract and find another who is interested in doing “business.”

Despite the “language” of love being used, society’s behavior in the realm of marital life amounts to nothing more than business transactions. We often hear that marriage has to be a “fifty–fifty” exchange in order for success. This concept also sounds reasonable but still is imbued with a conditional barter scheme. Once marriage – the most intimate natural personal union that is the fundamental cell [1] of society – is taken as merely an exchange of commercial goods, de-personalization of the society begins to occur. The children that result from this type of marriage are subliminally viewed as property couples are entitled to as opposed to being gifts couples gratuitously receive [2]. One could say, “Once the building block (family) is desecrated the house (society) falls.”

Satan is deeply involved in this degradation of marriage through his attack on the expression and fulfillment of marital love: the sexual sphere [3]. In the beginning, we see the “subtle serpent” helping to expose our first parents’ nakedness (Gen 3:7), which seemingly indicates a thwarting of their original intimacy, which has its full expression in “becoming one flesh” (Gen 2:24). [4] This exposition of “nakedness” occurred through a dialogue where upon Satan slightly twisted the truth, which led to a lie that is believed and obeyed by Adam and Eve.

The resulting distortion of marital relations continues to present day, fleshing itself out particularly in one of the most controversial issues of marital sexuality: artificial contraception. To see this most malicious attack on marriage, we must examine God’s original plan for marriage and the role of the conjugal act within marriage. To that end, we will explore the inner life of God and His actions that flow from that life. These two aspects, who God is and what He does, will provide a supernatural mirror that gives deep insight into the marital covenant and its fulfillment in conjugal love.

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About the blogger: Hubert Sanders is “a family man,” married to Monica and father to four daughters (Gabrielle, Rhea, Michelle, and Nylah). He teaches theology as an adjunct instructor at Sacred Heart Major Seminary in Detroit, MI and teaches Catholic theology full-time at a Catholic high-school, Brother Rice. He has a Master of Arts degree in theology from Sacred Heart Major Seminary and works part-time as bookkeeper at a local church. Click here to visit his blog and here to connect with him on Twitter.

This post originally appeared on hubertsanders.com and was used with permission.

[1] Humanae Vitae #23

[2] ND 2252;cf Donum Vitae

[3] Von Hildebrand, Dietrich, Love Marriage and the Catholic Conscience, Sophia Institute Press, Manchester, NH, 1969, p.31

[4] Hahn, Scott, A Father who keeps His promises, Servant Publications, Ann Arbor, MI 1998, p.66

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3 Lessons and 2 Tips from Rhett Smith.

rhett-head3 Lessons and 2 Tips is a series of interviews in which some of my favorite people (and probably some of yours) share three lessons they’ve learned by being married, plus two tips for single people.

This edition features Rhett Smith, MDiv, MSMFT, licensed marriage and family therapist in private practice in Plano, TX, who serves on staff at The Hideaway Experience marriage intensive in Amarillo, TX. He is the author of The Anxious Christian and What it Means to be a Man. He lives in McKinney, TX with his wife Heather – to whom he has been married since June 18, 2005 – and their two children. I am grateful for the time he spared to share three lessons and two tips:

AS: How did you meet your wife?

RS: I met my wife Heather at a young adult worship night at our former church in Los Angeles, Bel Air Presbyterian. After the service was over I found myself sort of milling around close to where she was standing, and eventually I got up enough courage to introduce myself.

AS: What are three lessons you’ve learned by being married?

RS: There are lots of things I’ve learned in marriage, so it’s hard to break it down to three. But I think the most important things are the ones I constantly teach in my therapy work to couples because they have been so powerful to me.

AS: What’s the first lesson?

RS: I had to learn how to stand on my own two feet and self-validate through my own sense of self and through my identity in God. In a good marriage, our partners validate and affirm us (other validation), but we also have to learn how to be self-differentiated (Schnarch) individuals, otherwise we can become needy and dependent on our partner to meet every need. That is exhausting for the other person.

AS: And the second?

RS: That marriage is either moving in one of two directions: forward and thriving, or backwards and regressing. Marriage is not a static state of a place that we hope to get to and can put on cruise control. Marriage is an active, intentional, daily practice.

AS: And the third?

RS: (Our) ability to connect, solve conflict, relate, etc. is in direct correlation to the amount of self-care we practice (physically, emotionally, mental, spiritually)

AS: What’s one tip for readers who are single?

RS: First, before you get married you really have to work on yourself. You are responsible for yourself 100 percent, and if you are able to do that and work on the things that need work, then you will be able to bring your best self into the marriage.

AS: And a second tip for singles?

RS: Second, marriage is not about losing your identity and self in the other person, but rather about both of you coming together to create a beautiful we/us.

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Connect with Rhett:  Read more about Rhett’s work at rhettsmith.com.

Click here to read all the posts in this series.