Why women need good men in a world where Tinder exists

On Friday, a friend sent me a text while she swiped left and right for awhile on Tinder. The app connects users to close-by potential dates, which is why what my friend found there that morning alarmed her.


She stopped swiping when she saw it: the familiar face of a man last active on the app a half hour earlier — a smiling male acquaintance.

A smiling male acquaintance who has a girlfriend.

When attraction IS relevant (a clarification).

It was brought to my attention today that blogger Kirsten Andersen responded to my post called “When attraction is irrelevant,” which appeared on my blog in May, and on chastityproject.com last week.

I guess you could say she didn’t like it.

I responded to her criticisms in a comment on her post, which was published by Aleteia this morning. My comment currently awaits moderation. If you’d like to read her post in its entirety, click here. If you’d like to read what I originally wrote, click here.

I’d like to share Kirsten’s qualms, which center on what my friend Americo and I said in the post Kirsten criticized, and my clarifications, which are important clarifications to make:

Do a guy’s guts to ask a girl out actually matter?

When I was a senior in high school, I had study hall as an elective, and a crush on a kid named Kyle. He had study hall, too. He sat at the back of the room. I sat at the front with a boy named Brian.


I don’t remember how, but Brian got it out of me: “Yes,” I admitted. “I like Kyle.” I giggled. Then I gasped. “But don’t tell him!

What a woman should do when she likes a man.

Co-written by Bobby Angel

This post is co-written with Bobby Angel, my friend Jackie Francois Angel’s husband.

Last year, I (Arleen), wrote a post called “When a man likes a woman” for the Catholic Match Institute’s blog. It listed what men should do who are into a woman:

Ask questions. Use words. Seek counsel. Follow through. Save sex.

After they read it, several readers wondered: But what should a woman do when she likes a man? I think she should do the same stuff, I said. But I also thought a man ought to answer that question. So, I asked Bobby Angel. Here is his insight:

When attraction is irrelevant (and other dating truths).

Thursday night, I received a call from my good friend Americo Menendez, who I’ve known since I was 11. First he was my brother’s youth minister. Then mine. And by the way he is brilliant.

That day, I had emailed Americo a dating question: How do we know that our standards are solid and not indicative of a hesitance to make the act of faith that marriage requires of us? It’s the “how far is too far” question, standards edition.  An effort to reconcile having standards and faith, without using one to negate the other.

He replied. Then he called. When Americo calls (regardless of his claim not to be an expert) you take notes.

What I read in them after actually gave me heart palpitations. This is gold. This is stuff we have to know if we’re single. It’s stuff we have to tell our single friends if we’re not. Stuff I have to share with you: