Why “The Bachelor” Sean Lowe’s marriage isn’t doomed.

The blogosphere has been abuzz about all the sex The Bachelor isn’t having.

This started when America discovered that Sean Lowe, this season’s star of ABC’s The Bachelor, is a “born again virgin” – somebody who is saving sex from now on for marriage. And Lowe’s marriage, according to blogger Mary Fischer, is doomed because of it.

His nonmarital abstinence is “pretty much a major buzz kill,” she wrote. Not sleeping with the people you date is a big risk, she implied, and Lowe should have premarital sex for the sake of his marriage.

“If two people don’t have good sexual chemistry and aren’t at all compatible between the sheets, then odds are good there will be some other aspect of their lives where they don’t mesh, which will lead to a whole host of problems that potentially could have been avoided if only they’d done the deed beforehand,” Fischer wrote. “Seriously, how bad would it suck to finally give in to temptation on your wedding night only to find that your spouse doesn’t exactly know how to (ahem) press your buttons? Talk about ruining the big moment entirely.”

To which I write this:

  • Odds are good that characteristics of a successful relationship far more fundamental than “good sex” are missing if a couple is unwilling to work for compatibility between the sheets if compatibility between the sheets isn’t intuitive.

  • Working for compatibility requires patience. Chastity, “a decision to die to self and to selflessly love (or to die trying),” is great practice.
  • How bad would it suck if wedding night sex was about “giving in to temptation?”
  • That your brand new spouse doesn’t know how to “press your buttons” isn’t a problem if you and he or she are willing to communicate, to learn, and to practice.
  • The big moment isn’t what happens in bed on your wedding night. It’s what happens on the altar at your wedding.
And if Lowe agrees, his marriage isn’t doomed because of it.

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Click here to read what Fischer wrote about Sean Lowe’s doomed marriage.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • It is amazing that for all the legit criticisms we could offer for setting up a “marketplace” for marriage, the main concern Fischer has is the man’s virginity. Unreal.

  • Mike

    My wife and I aren’t compatiable between the sheets, but yet have been married for 15 years. The Lord has put me in this position for some reason and I choose to live with it. Divorce is so easy these days. I took a vow:”I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad”. Some things are bigger than ourselves.

  • Anonymous

    You know, there’s one thing about this argument (saving sex for marriage is not smart) that is really rather stupid. The implication is that people that have pre-marital sex are more likely to have successful marriages.

    What’s the divorce rate in the U.S. again? What percentage of engaged couples are abstaining from sex? What’s their divorce rate? Until those questions are answered (I did some quick Google-fu, and couldn’t find actual numbers), this whole argument is on shaky ground.

  • They have it so backwards!

  • Fabulous feedback, everybody!

  • So sad that marital happiness is boiled down to sexual “compatability”. Honestly, I don’t know what “sexual compatablility” is. If you only have sex with your spouse, what are the chances that you won’t be compatible? What are the chances that you won’t learn about sex and what “presses your buttons” together? Seriously? I pity Mary Fischer, who seems so naive about what marriage and sex are really about (and the relationship between the two). Aren’t their studies that say waiting to have sex actually decreases the chances of divorce?

  • “Seriously, how bad would it suck to finally give in to temptation on your wedding night only to find that your spouse doesn’t exactly know how to (ahem) press your buttons? Talk about ruining the big moment entirely.”

    This entire sentence is so wrought with immaturity and misunderstanding that I hardly even know where to begin. The use of the word “sucks” is so base, it really gives us a clue about where the author’s mind is when she’s talking about this: it’s in a selfish place. And, “…give in to temptation…”? Sex was not a “temptation” to me as a virginal fiancee. It just wasn’t the time and place for it. She clearly has no idea what the motivations are.

    Lastly, if sex isn’t “great” the first time you have it, you can try again (and again, and again). Besides, the person who enters the marital covenant without first demanding sexual playtime isn’t looking for perfection between the sheets: they’re seeking sincere intimacy, which isn’t always pretty.

    Thanks for posting.

  • Familientherapie addiction is a family disease