Why “The Bachelor” Sean Lowe’s marriage isn’t doomed.

The blogosphere has been abuzz about all the sex The Bachelor isn’t having.

This started when America discovered that Sean Lowe, this season’s star of ABC’s The Bachelor, is a “born again virgin” – somebody who is saving sex from now on for marriage. And Lowe’s marriage, according to blogger Mary Fischer, is doomed because of it.

His nonmarital abstinence is “pretty much a major buzz kill,” she wrote. Not sleeping with the people you date is a big risk, she implied, and Lowe should have premarital sex for the sake of his marriage.

“If two people don’t have good sexual chemistry and aren’t at all compatible between the sheets, then odds are good there will be some other aspect of their lives where they don’t mesh, which will lead to a whole host of problems that potentially could have been avoided if only they’d done the deed beforehand,” Fischer wrote. “Seriously, how bad would it suck to finally give in to temptation on your wedding night only to find that your spouse doesn’t exactly know how to (ahem) press your buttons? Talk about ruining the big moment entirely.”

To which I write this:

  • Odds are good that characteristics of a successful relationship far more fundamental than “good sex” are missing if a couple is unwilling to work for compatibility between the sheets if compatibility between the sheets isn’t intuitive.

  • Working for compatibility requires patience. Chastity, “a decision to die to self and to selflessly love (or to die trying),” is great practice.
  • How bad would it suck if wedding night sex was about “giving in to temptation?”
  • That your brand new spouse doesn’t know how to “press your buttons” isn’t a problem if you and he or she are willing to communicate, to learn, and to practice.
  • The big moment isn’t what happens in bed on your wedding night. It’s what happens on the altar at your wedding.
And if Lowe agrees, his marriage isn’t doomed because of it.

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Click here to read what Fischer wrote about Sean Lowe’s doomed marriage.

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