An Excerpt from Chapter 1 of ‘Chastity is For Lovers’

[callout]This post is an excerpt from chapter 1 — “Chastity: A Better Sexual Ethic” — of my forthcoming book, Chastity Is For Lovers: Single, Happy, and (Still) a Virgin, (Ave Maria Press, 2014).[/callout]

Chastity_is_for_Lovers_3DI parked my Plymouth Neon in a dirt lot and skirted the rocks strewn atop it by taking a shortcut across a patch of grass.

My flip-flops finally smacked pavement when I reached the street between the parking lot and the Louis de la Parte Florida Mental Health Institute, a complex that covers the quiet, northwest corner of the University of South Florida’s Tampa campus.

I traipsed across a covered courtyard, where a handful of fellow grad students in the Department of Rehabilitation and Mental Health Counseling congregated at picnic tables. I walked into the building. Inside, the cold air eradicated all evidence of the late-afternoon heat from the mid-May sun outside. I took off my sunglasses and turned a couple of corners toward classroom 1636 for the first session of my human sexuality class.

I sat at the back of the room, plugged in my laptop,and pretended not to be nervous. The professor, Dr. Dae Sheridan—a young, spirited sex therapist—interrupted my anxiety by inviting the class to shout the names we know for sexual activity and for the body parts we associate with sex. Continue reading “An Excerpt from Chapter 1 of ‘Chastity is For Lovers’”

An Excerpt From the Introduction to ‘Chastity Is For Lovers’

[callout]This post is an excerpt from the introduction to my forthcoming book, Chastity Is For Lovers: Single, Happy, and (Still) a Virgin, (Ave Maria Press, 2014).[/callout]

Chastity_is_for_Lovers_3DI rested my head on the tall back of a black vinyl, executive-style chair and stared at a computer screen. The chair’s wheels rolled audibly across the mat beneath it as I—a staff writer for the Tampa Bay Times—reached toward the desk in front of me to type.

The e-mail, addressed to an editor named Jim, expressed my sudden reluctance to do what I already promised I would: write about sex. A week earlier, I had pitched the idea to Jim with confidence: a sex essay for the front page of the “Perspective” section of the Times, inspired in part by the demise of a bad relationship.

The day I pitched it, how many readers we had—more than four hundred thousand on Sundays—hadn’t dawned on me. When it finally did, all that had been bold in me got anxious. I—a budding columnist, a practicing Catholic, and a virgin by choice—had a passion for putting what I believed in print. But that morning, the thought of revealing my virginity to the secular public sounded like a bad idea. I so warily considered the potential repercussions—unwanted attention, unsafe situations, and uncomfortable colleagues—that I forgot why I pitched the idea in the first place. Continue reading “An Excerpt From the Introduction to ‘Chastity Is For Lovers’”

[Announcement] Chastity is For Lovers is on Amazon!

photoHappy Monday! Hope you had a blessed Easter Sunday. No full blown post today, as I took the weekend off from bloggin’ to edit the book again, and to celebrate the resurrection. But I do have an announcement:

While Chastity is For Lovers launches on Dec. 8, you can reserve it now on Amazon. Few moments are so surreal (or humbling!) as stumbling upon your own book on the Internet. Click here to pre-order your copy.

And, ICYMI, if you’re in or near the Tampa Bay Area, mark your calendar for one of a couple book launch parties (where you can buy a copy and hang with me IRL). Click here for deets.

[Announcement] SAVE THE DATE (and celebrate my book’s launch with me!).

THE BOOK IS ALMOST DONE, GUYS. By the time this month ends, I’ll have tweaked Chastity is For Lovers for the second to last time. It officially launches Dec. 8 (the Feast of the Immaculate Conception!), which means I’m throwing parties that weekend (yes, parties).

That means if you’re in or near the Tampa Bay Area (or can arrange to be that weekend!), you are about to mark your calendar:

Launch Party 1 is Dec. 5, 2014 in the evening in Spring Hill, FL.

Launch Party 2 is Dec. 6, 2014 in the afternoon in Tampa, FL.

Venues and times are TBA. Stay tuned and save the date(s)! In the meantime, your prayers are appreciated as I polish the book again and pass it back to my editor. I am grateful for your encouragement and support — it’s done more for me than you know.

Saving Sex: Why My Target Audience Isn’t Teens

The other day on Facebook, a reader learned that for my forthcoming book, called Chastity is for Lovers: Single, Happy, and (Still) a Virgin, the target audience is adults, and primarily young ones.* She suggested that in the future, I target teens instead. Another reader, who had asked if the book is fit for teens, suggested in jest that young adulthood is too late.

If the goal is necessarily to meet a reader before he or she has had sex, the latter reader is probably right: According to Advocates for Youth, 62 percent of high school seniors aren’t virgins. Six percent of high school students had sex by their thirteenth birthdays. Fourteen percent have had sex with four or more people.

The stats are shocking (or not, depending on your perspective).They point to how important it is to discuss sex with young teens (and younger). They may disappoint the people who wish I would. And don’t get me wrong — people should. And lots of people do (like Jackie Francois and Jason and Crystalina Evert and, ideally, kids’ parents or guardians).

But how important it is to talk chastity and sex with kids has too long overshadowed this: it’s important to talk about both with grown-ups, too.

It’s important for the sake of virgins, who are few and far between. Ninety-eight percent of women and ninety-seven percent of men ages 25 to 44 have had sex.** I write for adults because when people who are part of the two and three percent who haven’t had sex stumble upon my story, they learn — sometimes for the first time — that they aren’t as alone as they have felt.

It’s important for our own kids, who will turn into teenagers, and — let’s face it — into their parents. It is too late for adults to take back the sex they have had. It is not too late to learn a new way to approach sex. I write for adults because I want to present chastity to them — an alternative way of life, in case the way of life they’ve lived so far isn’t working. If adults don’t know chastity is possible, they won’t practice it. If they don’t practice it, they won’t model it for their kids.

It’s important because young adults who went to church as teens were told to save sex for marriage, and most of them didn’t — and that isn’t a good excuse to stop discussing chastity. I write for adults because adults deserve not to be forgotten; because being left out of the chastity conversation might be why most of us aren’t saving sex.

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*Teens certainly can get something good out of Chastity is for Lovers — especially older ones.

**according to the National Center for Health Statistics