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[True Story] The flashlight.

Before my best friend drove us from her house to a homecoming party one night when we were in high school, her dad handed us a flashlight.

“You might need it,” he said.

We didn’t believe him.

But flashlight in hand, we hit the road.

We knew we were close to the home of the classmate whose family hosted the annual party when we turned onto a road that had no street lights. We arrived at a fork.

“Left or right?”

“Which one’s the driveway?”

“I have no idea.”

We picked left.

Through trees, we saw a bonfire sparkle from afar and the lights on the house. But the road we chose changed directions. My best friend stopped the car, in the middle of a pitch black patch of downhill property.

“How the heck do we get to the house?” she asked. We cracked up. “Do you have the flashlight?”

“I do,” I said, and handed it to her.

She flipped it on and shined it out the window. The beam of light traveled across trees, until it hit a sign right next to the car:

We in fact were not in our classmate’s driveway.

We were on her boat ramp.

– – – –

This post is part of a series of true stories, called “True Story.” Click here to read all the posts in the series.

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Three big deals.

Probably more than a year ago, I barged into my adviser’s office at the University of South Florida, where I am working on my master’s in rehab and mental health counseling. I dropped my book bag on the floor, stood in front of his desk, and said the following:

“I need you to help me.”

“With what?” he asked.

“I need you to help me drag this out.”

“Drag what out?”

“Grad school!”

He cracked up.

“IT ISN’T FUNNY,” I said (albeit while I laughed, too). “I’M SERIOUS.”

We laughed because grad students do not traditionally ask how they can spend as much time in school as possible. Grad students traditionally ask how they can spend as little time as possible.

But grad students aren’t traditionally afraid to graduate. Probably more than a year ago, I was.

I worried then that I might have to quit my job at the paper in order to graduate (and eventually, I did).

That I’d run out of time to study for comps, the exam that covers all the required courses I have taken in my 60 credit program (and I kind of am).

But I am happy to report the following:

Despite that I had to quit my job at the Times, and despite that I am running out of time to study for comps, I am now super stoked to graduate.

This is because I am tired. And I miss being able to watch some TV without regretting it. And socializing. And not setting my alarm on weekends. And responding to emails in a timely manner. And eating dinner at dinner time instead of before class (too early) or after class (too late).

It’s because I’m excited for what comes next. And for being able to sign my name with an “MA” after it.

Which is why it was very exciting this week, when I a) applied for graduation, b) registered for the commencement ceremony, and c) registered for comps.

These are three big deals.

These are points in my program I once didn’t want to reach, points I eventually couldn’t wait to reach. Finally, I have reached them.

And I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t pumped.

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Make my blog better: What would YOU like to see?

Greetings, readers!

I write tonight with gratitude (albeit belated) for your faithful readership and thoughtful comments in 2012, which – as it turns out – was my busiest and best year for blogging yet. Thank you, sincerely!
The stats have spoken, and they say you really like when I write about chastity and sex. Please know a) there is a lot more from where previous posts came and b) I’d like to extend an opp to you to influence future posts. Already in the works are posts on virginity auctions, sex ed, early marriage, contraception, plus what the Catholic Church teaches about related topics.
But what I really want to know is what you really want to read.
So when you have a minute, please let me know what you’d like to see:
What haven’t I written about yet?
What have I written about that you’d like me to write about again?
If I could interview anybody about chastity, sex, or relationships, who would you hope it would be?

If you could pick a theme for a series of posts on my blog, what would it be?

Post your ideas in the comments below, or send it to arleenwrites at gmail dot com.
Grateful.
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Talkin’ sex on NPR’s Tell Me More.

Grateful for the opp to talk sex on today’s episode of NPR’s Tell Me More, hosted by Michel Martin. Fabulous to chat with Martin and fellow panelists Monique Matthews, author of Sex Free, and Lisa Marziali, from the first episode of TLC’s the Virgin Diaries.

Here’s how NPR describes the segment:

“In the old days, many people aspired to remain abstinent until marriage. Today, that goal seems rare. Host Michel Martin speaks with three women, Arleen Spenceley, Monique Matthews and Lisa Marziali about their decisions to abstain from out-of-wedlock sex.”

If you’d like to listen to it, click here.

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Top 5 Posts in 2012

It’s been a busy year for blogging and as 2012 comes to its conclusion, five posts of mine finish as most read this year. Below are links to each, plus excerpts. Enjoy the ones you haven’t read yet (or re-reading what you liked enough to read again). Happy new year!

The Most Popular Posts I Wrote in 2012:

5. Why I’m a virgin: the feedback. 

A week ago today, what I wrote about saving sex for marriage printed in the Perspective section of my paper, the Tampa Bay Times. 

Readers called me unintelligent and unattractive (So that’s why I’m a virgin.). 

A web editor had to shut down the comments online before the essay even appeared in print. “Too many personal attacks,” he said.

4. “Is there room for erotica in Christianity?”

“I knew there wouldn’t be a second date the moment the guy asked this question: 

“How do you feel about strip clubs?” 

Not for ‘em, I said. 

“What about porn?” 

Are you kidding? 

In the conversation that followed, I rebutted his defenses of both. He, a Christian (nominally, at least), was a consumer of erotic media, convinced that using it can be good. He is the only Christian I’ve met who has defended pornography. But he is not the only Christian who defends other kinds of erotic media.”

3. Virginity: a disadvantage in dating?

That people won’t date you for more than a month because you’re saving sex does not mean virginity is a disadvantage. It means you’re dating the wrong kind of people.

 2. Why I’m a virgin

“I like to talk about sex. 

This is natural for a woman who grew up in a culture that surrounds us with it, who is the product of parents who taught me no topic is taboo. But few who discuss sex with me are prepared for what I divulge: 

I’m a virgin.”

1. I am not saving myself for marriage. (I’m saving sex.) 

I’m not saving myself for marriage. 

First, I know no follower of Christ who thinks any of us can save ourselves. Secondly, to say “I’m saving myself” when you mean “I’m saving sex” equates who you are – and therefore your worth – with sex. But your worth is wrapped up in nothing except your existence. It is intrinsic. 

So I’m not saving myself. 

But I am saving sex.