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What a woman should do when she likes a man.

[callout]This post is co-written with Bobby Angel, my friend Jackie Francois Angel’s husband. [/callout]

Last year, I (Arleen), wrote a post called “When a man likes a woman” for the Catholic Match Institute’s blog. It listed what men should do who are into a woman:

Ask questions. Use words. Seek counsel. Follow through. Save sex.

After they read it, several readers wondered: But what should a woman do when she likes a man? I think she should do the same stuff, I said. But I also thought a man ought to answer that question. So, I asked Bobby Angel. Here is his insight: Continue reading “What a woman should do when she likes a man.”

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When attraction is irrelevant (and other dating truths).

Thursday night, I received a call from my good friend Americo Menendez, who I’ve known since I was 11. First he was my brother’s youth minister. Then mine. And by the way he is brilliant.

That day, I had emailed Americo a dating question: How do we know that our standards are solid and not indicative of a hesitance to make the act of faith that marriage requires of us? It’s the “how far is too far” question, standards edition.  An effort to reconcile having standards and faith, without using one to negate the other.

He replied. Then he called. When Americo calls (regardless of his claim not to be an expert) you take notes.

What I read in them after actually gave me heart palpitations. This is gold. This is stuff we have to know if we’re single. It’s stuff we have to tell our single friends if we’re not. Stuff I have to share with you: Continue reading “When attraction is irrelevant (and other dating truths).”

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The questions women and men don’t ask but should.

Jordana met Jeremy at summer camp. They were 14. They met again in eleventh grade at a Halloween party in lower Manhattan. She wore a tail, he wore fangs. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered. They kissed.

This, Jordana wrote in a New York Times essay that published last week, sparked the start of their ambiguous relationship — several years of “sporadic affection” but no explicit profession of feelings. No commitment. No labels. Continue reading “The questions women and men don’t ask but should.”

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What St. John Paul II taught me about relationships.

[callout]Today is St. John Paul II’s feast day, which we celebrate for the first time since he was canonized earlier this year. In honor of it, today’s post features what I learned from St. John Paul II about relationships.[/callout]

I pulled a cardboard package out of my mailbox, carried it into the house, and tore it open. Out of it, I lifted what I had waited for, for days: A copy of the book Love and Responsibility, written by St. John Paul II before he was pope.

I had heard of the book before I ordered it. “A must-read for Catholics, married or not,” friends of mine called it. So I–single and mingling–curled up with it that night in 2009, expecting to pore over page after page, and pumped to be edified.

But what I read was over my head before I finished page one. I wanted to whisk through it like I would any other book, but this book would require commitment, and it would require time, because it would require thought. So, I shelved it. But then, I tried again. Continue reading “What St. John Paul II taught me about relationships.”