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How to want what God wants before you know what it is.

I am a Roman Catholic Christian. A “God person,” according to the not-so-into-God kid who called me that when we were students at the Protestant school I attended for fifth through twelfth grades.

Church is my jam. I pray. I underline stuff in the Bible. I believe that God is good, that providence is real, that Jesus is my homeboy – you know, the whole bit. So you can imagine my own surprise the night I realized that I had never actually wanted what God wants for me.

Click here to read the rest of this post, which I wrote for a vocation/calling series on fellow author Tyler Braun’s blog.

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CHASTITY IS FOR MEN | Shane Blackshear edition.

[callout]This post is one in a series designed to combat the belief that it’s “impossible” for men to save sex (or sex from now on) for marriage. Each edition features a man who was a virgin at marriage, who proves that belief wrong, who uses his experience to encourage both men and women who practice chastity.[/callout]

kate-amp-shaneThis edition of CHASTITY IS FOR MEN features Shane Blackshear, a blogger and host of the Seminary Dropout podcast.

I was a guest on it last year, and so appreciated that during my episode, while we discussed Chastity Is For Lovers, Shane candidly acknowledged that he was a virgin at marriage.

Shane, who was married at 25 and is 32 now, is gracious to help prove that chastity IS for men: Continue reading “CHASTITY IS FOR MEN | Shane Blackshear edition.”

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When attraction is irrelevant (and other dating truths).

Thursday night, I received a call from my good friend Americo Menendez, who I’ve known since I was 11. First he was my brother’s youth minister. Then mine. And by the way he is brilliant.

That day, I had emailed Americo a dating question: How do we know that our standards are solid and not indicative of a hesitance to make the act of faith that marriage requires of us? It’s the “how far is too far” question, standards edition.  An effort to reconcile having standards and faith, without using one to negate the other.

He replied. Then he called. When Americo calls (regardless of his claim not to be an expert) you take notes.

What I read in them after actually gave me heart palpitations. This is gold. This is stuff we have to know if we’re single. It’s stuff we have to tell our single friends if we’re not. Stuff I have to share with you: Continue reading “When attraction is irrelevant (and other dating truths).”

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Conquer yourself each day from the very first moment.

While I drove back to work from home one day last week after my lunch break, I vented by phone to my friend Leah Darrow: “I have so much to do, and no time to do it.”

She gets it. She is also a writer and a speaker. She has as much writing and speaking to do, plus a husband and two kids. While we commiserated, she asked a question I didn’t expect: Continue reading “Conquer yourself each day from the very first moment.”

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The questions women and men don’t ask but should.

Jordana met Jeremy at summer camp. They were 14. They met again in eleventh grade at a Halloween party in lower Manhattan. She wore a tail, he wore fangs. “I’ve missed you,” he whispered. They kissed.

This, Jordana wrote in a New York Times essay that published last week, sparked the start of their ambiguous relationship — several years of “sporadic affection” but no explicit profession of feelings. No commitment. No labels. Continue reading “The questions women and men don’t ask but should.”