Kids write the darnedest things.

Make a mental note of this: if you have kids (currently or eventually), and your kids keep journals in school, make sure your kids save them. Because when a kid, say, turns 26 and stumbles upon a couple of bound collections of thoughts she wrote when she was 6, 7 and 8 years old, it’s instant entertainment.

That, at least, is how it was for me when tonight, I stumbled upon the journals I kept as a first and second grader at Spring Hill Elementary School.

First Grade

“My mom wroks Monday, Wensday, Thersday, and Friday.” Spelling error, or Freudian slip? I’ll go with spelling error. My mom rocks seven days a week.
“I one a trofie from the siyins fary.” Who rewards you with a quarter when you lose a tooth? The tooth fairy. Who rewards you for an exemplary science project? The science fairy.
“I love school.”: Some things never change. “I want to milk a cow.”: Some things do.

Second Grade
Nov. 9, 1993

“If I were a turkey…”

If I were a turkey,  I’d be very pretty. I’d (wear) lipstick. And (clothes). I’d be the (prettiest) turkey in the world. But the people that found me better not try to chop me up and eat me because I’ll grab an ax and chop (their) legs off. And I would have nail polish on too!

Part 1.
Part 2. Please note: not just any nail polish, but pink nail polish.

 Dec. 10, 1993

“Christmas Poem”

Sugar plum candy tastes so good. It tastes the right way, the way it should! Here comes Santa with eight reindeer, with “Rudeoff” to lead the way. But tomorrow (?) is a very (special) day, when Jesus was born. MERRY CHRISTMAS!

I’m glad my belief in Jesus is the one that stuck. (For the record, I stopped believing in Santa when I was five. I faked it at school for years, though, for the sake of my less skeptical classmates.)

Jan. 10, 1994

“How to be Safe on a Bike”

You should have a helmet. If you don’t, get one! If you live in front of a busy street, ride in your driveway with a helmet on. If you’re on a street going somewhere on your bike, look both ways the same as when (you’re) walking.

Some people have to be more careful. Some people don’t think they need a helmet, but they do. It’s better safe than sorry. Get a helmet if you don’t have one. And never forget, it’s better safe than sorry!

And by “some people,” I’m pretty sure I meant “my brother.”
This public service announcement is brought to you by a girl who had training wheels through age 7.