The escalator.

I rolled my giant suitcase off the cruise ship into a Port of Miami corridor, toward the elevator lobby.

A crowd of other cruisers congregated in front of the lone elevator that led downstairs to customs. The crowd fell into a long line, dragging their big bags and tucking their Border Patrol forms into their passports. I would have followed suit. But I saw an escalator.

An escalator without a line.

So in one fist, I held my passport, my floppy beach hat and my purse. I wrapped the other around my giant suitcase’s handle. And at the top of the down escalator, I stepped on, expecting physics or science or magic to require the giant suitcase to trail behind me.

But the suitcase didn’t trail. It tipped, and fell forward, just shy of onto the escalator. In the process, physics or science or magic required my fist to release its grip on the suitcase’s handle. And while I descended toward customs, I watched my giant suitcase — now blocking the entrance to the down escalator — become smaller and smaller and smaller.

Which is when I shouted the only word I quickly concluded to be appropriate upon accidental abandonment of giant suitcase:

“HELP!”

As it turns out, it takes a special set of skills to drag a giant suitcase onto a down escalator. A set of skills I don’t possess.

A witness to my plight, the port authority employee at the top of the down escalator pulled on my suitcase and put it upright.

Which is when I pulled the only stunt I quickly concluded to be appropriate upon accidental abandonment of giant suitcase:

An upward climb on a downward-bound escalator.

As it turns out, it takes a special set of skills to run up a down escalator. A set of skills I don’t possess.

I tripped.

And I fell.

And on my hands and knees, I watched my giant suitcase become even smaller.

I still have bruises.

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This post is part of a series of true stories, called “True Story.” Click here to read all the posts in the series.

The best and the worst of my trip to the Everglades, Miami, the Bahamas and Key West.

Question: What did the Everglades, Miami, the Bahamas and Key West have in common last week?

ME!

Like any financially irresponsible grad student, I followed my spring semester’s finals week with a week-long respite from reality. A tour via car and cruise ship of a bunch of places I hadn’t been. A much needed vacation.

I am back and tan, and happy to report three of the best and three of the worst parts of the trip.

Three of the Best Parts of the Trip

1. Holding a baby alligator. I loitered beside the baby alligator exhibit at an attraction in the Everglades until the guy and the girl in charge of it showed up. Upon expressing interest in holding one of the babies, the girl fetched a gator and the guy grabbed the tape (the kind he uses to tape a gator’s mouth shut). There was not, however, enough tape left on the roll, so the guy wandered away to retrieve more. Which is when, from within the grip of the girl who helps run the exhibit, the gator took a leak. So if there’d been enough tape left on the roll at the start, the following would be a picture of me, standing in a puddle of gator pee. Instead, thank God, this picture did not come with urine:

I named him Gipetto.

2. The snapper. In Nassau, I ate at Sharkeez, where I asked our server for what she recommends of the restaurant’s specials of the day. She, in turn, asked if I wanted something Bahamian. Heck yes, I said, so she recommended the snapper. Only an hour or two earlier, from my underwater seat in a glass bottom boat, I’d listened to our tour guide gush over snapper – grilled or fried – while snapper swam past my face. So naturally, I said, “Let’s go grilled snapper.” to my server. Like an hour later (Only barely an exaggeration. I think they may have gone outside to catch it.), she brought me my dish. And it turned out to be the best fish I have ever eaten in my life. Delightful. Even if it had a face.

Snapper.

Snapper.

3. St. Francis on the Beach. One of my favorite parts about being Catholic is the fact that no matter where  I am in the world, I can a) find a Roman Catholic church, b) go to mass at said church and c) the mass will be exactly the same there as it is at every other Catholic church in the world that day. Same readings, same prayers, same order, same Eucharist. And so it is familiarity in an otherwise unfamiliar place. A home away from home. So on the Sunday of my trip, I went to mass at St. Francis de Sales, a.k.a. St. Francis on the Beach, in Miami Beach. Great to have a home away from home, and for this one to be named after one of my favorite saints.



Honorable mentions: South Beach cab drivers, the roosters in Key West, the obligatory stop at the southernmost point in the continental US in Key West, pizza available 24/7 on the ship, running up a down escalator and the alarm clock incident. (Stay tuned to the true story series for explanations of the last two on this list.)

Three of the Worst Parts of the Trip:


1. Popular beach attire. It is perhaps special to South Beach for women to wear thong bikini bottoms (or otherwise not enough clothes) while they’re swimming and sunning, since never have I ever seen so much butt on a trip to the beach. (And I’m a big Florida gulf coast beach goer.) There is something alarming and sad about a culture in which it is not considered inappropriate to walk hand in hand with your three-year-old child while you rub sunblock into your exposed butt cheeks with your other hand.


2. Sunburn. I love a good tan as much as the next girl who loves a good tan, but on a raft in the water at Coco Cay (Royal Caribbean’s private island), I lost track of time and (as a result) a couple of layers of skin. The burn has since turned to tan, however, and I pledge to reapply sunscreen frequently the next time(s) I’m in the sun.


3. Vertigo. The cruise ended Friday. It is now Tuesday. And I still feel like I am on a ship.


Honorable mentions: Running up a down escalator, Royal Caribbean’s lack of a dessert comparable to Carnival’s Warm Chocolate Melting Cake.

The flip book.

Three years old and already into books, I browsed a bookshelf in my preschool classroom. That’s when I saw it:

The flip book.

I flipped through it. I flipped through it again. Over and over, I watched the magic of the animation created by my flipping. That’s when I knew it:

I wanted the book.

So I clutched it between my two tiny hands and carried it to my teacher.

“Can I have this?” I asked.

“No,” she said.

So, shortly after – when I knew she wasn’t looking – I took the only next step I could conceptualize as natural: I stuffed it into my shirt and went to recess.

Outside, I sat in the grass. Kids my own age climbed and kicked balls and dug holes. Older kids rolled a tire to and from each other at the top of a hill.

Until one kid missed his turn.

The renegade tire rolled with reckless abandon, down the hill, through the grass and rammed directly…

into me.

Which is when my teacher ran to me.

“Are you ok?” she said. She moved the tire.

I nodded.

“What is this?”

She pointed at what had flown out of my shirt on impact:

the flip book.

– – – – –

This post is part of a series called “True Story.” Click here to read other posts in the series.

The home stretch.

Six class sessions, three weeks, three exams (two take-home and one in-class), three discussion board posts (one opinion and two responses to others’ opinions) and one extra credit assignment…

until summer.
1. Say it with me: Do. Not. Quit.
and
2. Patron saint of grad school, pray for us.

The mile run.

I am not a runner.

So it was weird when before 5 on a summer morning, I put on a pair of running shoes. For a month, I had been working out from 5:30 to 6:30 weekday mornings with a trainer named Frank and the others who had signed up for his boot camp.

We met in a parking lot, empty except for our own cars, outside the clubhouse in a local subdivision. We stretched. We squatted, curled and pressed. That morning, the last day of camp, we each would run a timed mile to compare to the one we ran the first week of camp.

We stood side by side in a line, under the black sky. Frank fiddled with the stopwatch. He said go. We ran. He had already measured it: If we ran from where we stood in line to a gated neighborhood north of us and back, we would run a mile.

On the street, I ran, jogged, walked. Ran, jogged, walked. Over and over, slower than most but faster than some, in the Florida heat and through the thick humidity. I got to the gate. My lungs hurt. I turned around, and I ran, jogged, walked. Ran, jogged, walked.

By the time I could see the parking lot again, the black sky had turned to royal blue. The sun had started to rise. I jogged. My lungs pushed air out and took it in, hard. I turned into the lot. I could see Frank. So I sprinted. My feet and my lungs pounded with rhythm.

Pound, pound, in.

Pound, pound, out.

Faster.

Pound, pound, in.

Pound, pound, out.

Faster.

Toward our parked cars.

Faster.

Past our parked cars.

Faster.

“DONE!”

I collapsed onto the pavement, on purpose. My chest rose high and fell deep, air in and out (but not enough). Frank read my results:

11 minutes.

I began to cry.

“Are you ok?”

I nodded yes. And in tears, I did the math.

I had finished the mile run four minutes faster than my first one.

– – – – –

This post is part of a series called “True Story.” Click here to read other posts in the series.