Here Are 5 Things NOT to Say When Your Significant Other Is Venting

The other day, I lost my cool.

A couple of writers whose work I edit missed their deadlines. My own deadlines loomed. With short notice, new projects popped up. My workload surged and so did my stress level. By the end of the day, I needed to vent.

I called my boyfriend, who listened as I listed every single stressor. “That is frustrating,” he agreed. His presence and his patience played important roles in saving what I almost lost that day—my mind. That’s because his response when somebody vents has power. Yours does, too.

What you do when a loved one vents can connect or disconnect you. It can serve your significant other or be a disservice. If you’d rather help your significant other than hurt your relationship, there are five things not to say when he or she is venting. Click here to read them (in my latest post for CatholicMatch).

How delighted the devil would be to see us do this.

In a recent blog post, Tommy McGrady wrote that “marriage isn’t just hard. It’s sneaky hard.” But a friend of mine read it, and then she responded.

“When you learn to communicate, love your spouse more than yourself, learn to compromise and accept that not everything in life is going to be the way you want, marriage is not hard at all,” she wrote.

So which is it?

Is marriage hard, or not hard? If it is hard, should it be? And what about dating? If that’s hard, should we call it quits? Continue reading “How delighted the devil would be to see us do this.”

3 Lessons and 2 Tips from Chris Donatto

3 Lessons and 2 Tips is a series of interviews in which some of my favorite people (and probably some of yours) share three lessons they’ve learned by being married, plus two tips for single people.

This edition features Chris Donatto, who “has dreadlocks and a beard,” said his wife, Erika. “That’s really the most important thing about him.”

Except, she added, “he’s also a husband, a father, youth minister, and Adore missionary. And Batman. Yes, he’s Batman.” And Chris — ahem, Batman — is gracious today to share three lessons and two tips: Continue reading “3 Lessons and 2 Tips from Chris Donatto”

How to determine what your significant other is thinking.

I recently saw an article about body language and dating that had the following subheadline: “Next time you find yourself wondering what he’s thinking, try observing these nonverbal cues.”

Or — here’s an idea — ASK HIM (or her, gentlemen — it works for you, too).

We do not know what other people are thinking but advice that encourages us to use any method for finding out other than “ask them” is advice that discourages communication. And that is advice that misleads us.

[shareable]We are designed to communicate explicitly in relationships.[/shareable]

This is not always easy but it is healthy, and it is worth discomfort. If we are unwilling to communicate while we date we will be unwilling while we are married.

And neither our world nor our Church needs more marriages with the walls that spouses build between each other when they don’t communicate.

[callout]New to my work? Check out my book, Chastity Is For Lovers: Single, Happy, and (Still) a Virgin.[/callout]