Why I write what I write.

I sit tonight at a probably 10-foot long table alone, along a wall in Starbucks, because when I got here, it was the only available table near an outlet. I haven’t plugged my computer in yet, distracted so far by the patrons to my right.

A stepmother and adult stepdaughters. They sip seasonal beverages and discuss the family’s patriarch. Who they suspect is involved in infidelity. Who has been unfaithful before. Who isn’t happy.

“I can’t say I’m in it for the long haul,” stepmother warned. Stepdaughters understood. I understand, too.

This — a real life representation of relationships at nearly their worst (It could be still worse.) — hurts my heart. And my soul. And my head. This is why I write what I write.

Not solely because marriages disintegrate, but because marriages still start that are going to disintegrate. Because marriages that are going to disintegrate don’t actually have to start. I write what I write because love is far greater, harder, and more worth it than our culture says it is, and somebody has to say it.

When I write it is with the hope and prayer that readers who are married receive whatever they need to start to build or reinforce a marriage’s foundation. With the hope and prayer that readers who are single and mingling receive what they need to discern when to stop or start a relationship.

With the hope and prayer that readers who discern marriage with someone don’t get married if disintegration is likely, or an option. With the hope and prayer that readers who are single for good will know that it doesn’t mean that life for them is loveless.

And your prayers while I find the words are appreciated.

A version of this post originally appeared on the blog in 2013.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • That’s a great “why.” Well said, Arleen.

    • Arleen Spenceley

      Thanks, Adam!

  • Tina Holewinski Griffin

    girl! i know you’re bold like I am….Did you talk to the women about what you just wrote? I don’t know what it is, but lately I’ve been seeing/hearing those things and literally approaching people IN LOVE but still talking to them about being positive, seeing the good in people, doing something great with their lives, etc. 🙂 did you approach them? if so, what happened? miss you!

    • Arleen Spenceley

      I didn’t talk to them! 🙁 (Actually, I wrote this last year — it’s a repost, ’cause I’ve been swamped w/ book launch stuff.) Perhaps if something like it happens again I’ll be as bold as you to encourage them to their faces. 🙂

      • Tina Holewinski Griffin

        no worries woman! hey, this happens to me from time to time and each time I either say something or i don’t. there are times i look back and wish i would have said something and then some times I wish I wouldn’t have 🙂 keep up the great work!

  • Tyler Stevenson

    I love your blog, and this is such a passion of mine too. Thank you for writing what you write. You are so helpful to those who us who value chastity and marriage.

    • Arleen Spenceley

      Thanks for this, Tyler! I’m glad you get good things out of reading what I write.