‘I want to lose my virginity.’

Syndicated columnist Carolyn Hax responded in a recent column to the following letter, which she received from a 19-year-old woman who has never had sex before:

“I am a 19-year-old freshman in college. I have decided to lose my virginity soon, obviously in a safe way while using protection. Is it okay to not tell the guy I’m a virgin? It’s come up before and it seems to bother guys. I also hate the idea of someone knowing they were my first; I (irrationally, I know) feel like it gives them power over me. I sort of want to get this over with in a sort of one-night-stand kind of way.”

These are my thoughts on that:

The letter’s writer’s decision to lose her virginity is rooted in her resistance to divulging her virginity. She doesn’t want to be a virgin so that she won’t have to tell somebody she is. But that turns what she wrote into a catch 22. … How? Click here to read the rest of my thoughts in a post on Quiner’s Diner.

Please note: I reserve the right to delete comments that are offensive or off-topic.

  • I feel like this is what went through the heads of most of the people on that Virgin Territories show on MTV. They didn’t want to deal with it so they kept going to parties/bars/clubs in the hopes they’d find someone to ‘help them.’

    This also reminded me of this doctor that couldn’t get anyone to date her b/c they were intimidated by her job and started telling people she was a secretary or other lower jobs as to not scare men away. I feel like in the end you’re only hurting yourself 🙁

  • John Morgan

    She wants to have sex before marriage. She wants to get it over with as soon as possible. She sees sex as something dangerous. She views sex as something dirty. She feels the need for “protection.” She believes all men have had sex. She views herself as an object for men to exert their power. Obviously, she is not a Christian and doesn’t know what sex is beyond body parts and mechanics. What’s interesting is that she asked the question: “Is it okay to not tell the guy I’m not a virgin?” I wonder why she feels the need to tell? Does she want to be another notch in a guy’s belt? If she knew the guy was also a virgin, would she feel comfortable telling him she’s a virgin? I would think so. Could it be that God is trying to shine a narrow beam of light into her darkened heart? Trying to tell her that she needs to raise her standards? So the answer to her question is that she should be joyfully telling him she’s a virgin and he should be joyfully telling her he’s a virgin on the morning of their marriage. If she followed Christian standards, the idea of safe sex would never enter the picture because they are doing nothing that is dangerous.

  • Cullen

    You definitely don’t lose your virginity in a “Get this over” kind of way. Even if you’re *not* married, you should have the idea that the person you’re about to have intercourse with is somebody you’re going to be with *forever*. Even after death.