Control.

I’d be lying if I said I have never felt like what I did or said had changed my course so completely that I ruined my chances of achieving something. That a decision I made had created conditions that made it impossible for me to get what I wanted. That a part of me had so turned someone off — be it an aquaintance, a potential employer, a guy — that had I only spoken or behaved differently, the rupture that rendered our relationship over forever never would have existed.
So then I feel like thanks to me, I’ve lost everything I could’ve, should’ve or would’ve had.
As if I have that kind of control.
The truth is we are in control of what we say and do. And sometimes, that thing I say or do in fact does change my course so completely that what I thought I had coming never comes. And sometimes, that decision I make does create conditions that aren’t favorable for getting what I want. And sometimes, that part of me is why a relationship is severed.
But an important and often neglected part of this truth is that because my course or conditions change or somebody walks away because of me does not mean I didn’t get what I could’ve, should’ve or would’ve had. It means I didn’t get what wasn’t meant to be. I didn’t get what wasn’t designed for me.
And if it wasn’t for me, why would I even want it?
Once, Job said this to God (Job 42:2): “I know that You can do all things, and that no purpose of Yours can be thwarted.”  
Amen.

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  • Arleen, this is so beautiful and true.