“I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.” Romans 7:15
Oh, Paul. How I can relate. It stinks to want to do one thing but to choose, for any of a multitude of reasons, to do something else instead. It is a whole other awful thing to know perfectly well what you should do and choose to do anything but it. (Paul’s been there.)
Sometimes, what I do I don’t want to do, have time to do or benefit from doing and what I don’t do is exactly what I should do. Like when I shop like I don’t have a budget. Or when I eat but I’m not hungry. Or when, instead of studying, I pretend my TV remote is a microphone and I perform the Avett Brothers’s Live Volume 3 album in its entirety in front of a mirror.
Afterward, I don’t say, “Wow. I’m glad I chose that. It really worked out for me.”
I say, “I do not understand what I do.”
But I do understand that I have choices. And that — in the words of the Avett Brothers — we only get so many days.