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Media literacy.

“Even very young children can be taught important lessons about the media: that they are produced by people anxious to communicate messages; that these are often messages to do something – to buy a product, to engage in dubious behavior – that is not in the child’s best interests or in accord with moral truth; that children should not uncritically accept or imitate what they find in the media.”

Know who said it? Pope John Paul II, in a message he delivered on May 23, 2004 on World Communications Day. Who knew JP2 promoted media literacy?

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A challenge.

For those of you who have sat shotgun in my car, or who’ve talked with me on the phone while I am driving, odds are good that you’ve seen or heard my impatience with people in action. I confess — both in those moments and now — that loving people from behind the wheel of a moving vehicle kind of  has been a challenge since my driving instructor Walter and I walked out of the DMV the day I got my license nine years ago.

Pretty immediately, I traded in phrases like, “Seatbelt? Buckled.” and “Hands at 10 and 2? Check.” (I know — nerdbomber!) for ones like, “Is this person kidding me?,” “How does this person sleep at night?” and “Dude, pick a lane!”

How easy it is to hurl harsh words when I refuse to acknowledge that behind the wheel inside the bubble that is the car moving at 35 in a 55 …is a person.

A person deliberately created by the same God who deliberately created each of us.

A person Jesus says I should treat in the way I wish to be treated (“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you …” [from the book of Matthew]).

A neighbor I have been instructed to love (also from the book of Matthew).

Maybe, when another driver’s decision doesn’t cater to me, I can say thanks to God for keeping us safe instead of shouting. I can say, “Everybody makes mistakes.” instead of judging. I can choose to love.

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Back seat driver.

It dawned on me the other day that I am a “backseat driver.”

I am the kind who doesn’t mind (and even prefers) that the driver is the one in control of the car. But even as the person not behind the wheel, I sometimes find it hard to forsake driver-like vigilance. I like to see what’s coming.

There are two kinds of this kind of backseat driver. Both watch out for what goes on around the car. But one is compelled to warn the driver about what he or she sees coming, and the other isn’t. I have been both.

The one who warns the driver doesn’t want to control the car. But he or she also doesn’t trust the actual driver — not wholly, anyway. He or she may want to trust (because goodness knows it is a relief to relax, which is a passenger’s privilege). But he or she may not trust because of a bad past experience, or narcissism (“I can see better than you can [because I am better than you are]!”), or because his or her particular driver isn’t a good one. This kind of backseat driver is also annoying, frankly. No human wants to be this person’s driver. And most drivers take this person’s commentary personally, unless the driver knows the root of this person’s distrust and is able to empathize with him or her.

The backseat driver who isn’t compelled to warn the actual driver also doesn’t wholly trust the driver (if he or she did, he or she would not, in fact, be a backseat driver). This kind definitely wants to trust the driver. This kind also would like to cash in on his or her right to revel in the relief that comes with knowing you are in good hands. So while his or her driver-like vigilance wavers — sometimes he or she trusts, other times he or she doesn’t — this kind remembers to reflect on some things.

Like the fact that as a passenger, whether you do or don’t trust the driver, you still are going to end up where ever the driver takes you.

Or the fact that as a passenger, it is not your responsibility to tell a good driver what to do.

Or the fact that (ideally), you wouldn’t be in this car with this driver if you didn’t think this driver was good.

Or the fact that from where we sit, we can’t always see as much as the driver sees, or ever see it from the same perspective.

Or the fact that we really are free to relax while the driver takes care of the driving.

And so quietly, while this second kind of backseat driver pays attention but also reflects on the above, he or she practices trust. And at red lights and stop signs, he or she reflects on the parts of the ride that are behind them. And in retrospect, it is easier to see that, “I can trust this driver. And I do.”

The other day, it also dawned on me that this — how good at being passengers we are — might be a metaphor.

What if life is the ride?

What if God is the driver?

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Books, books, books.

For 2012, I’m dreamin’ big — and one of my dreams is to read a bigger chunk of my stack of unread books than I did in 2011. Think I can tackle it?

Still trying to decide which one to read first!

In 2011, I read a total of four books in full (which is shameful when compared to how many books I bought in 2011, but acceptable considering how busy I was in 2011 [This is what I tell myself. Go with it.]). I can’t close out the year without a) suggesting these four books if you’re looking for something to read and b) sharing some quotes from them that resonated with me.

Father Fiction: Chapters for a Fatherless Generation by Donald Miller

From a chapter called Dating:

” … relationships, while rewarding, actually make life harder. They will bless your life, but they will bless your life through sacrifice. You are going to get more muscle out of it, and that’s the attitude you have to have going into it in the first place.”

From a chapter called Sex:

” [In this paragraph, Miller quotes himself in a talk he gave to a group of guys at a frat house.] ‘Let’s say you had a friend who was forty years old, and let’s say this guy played video games all night, slept around with ten different women, whoever he could get to have sex with him, drank all the time, partied it up, the whole bit. Would you respect that guy?’ The group shook their heads no, some of them voicing that they would think of him as a loser.  


‘Why?’ I asked. ‘Why would this guy be a loser?’ 


‘Because he’s forty,’ somebody spoke up. 


‘What does that have to do with it? If somebody in your fraternity lives like this, he’s not a loser. Apparently, he is well-esteemed.’


The group said that it was different because the other guy is supposed to be mature. He’s supposed to have his life together.


‘Yeah, I think so,’ I began. ‘I think he is supposed to be mature, because he is forty. But we’ve kind of said something here, haven’t we? We’ve said that maturity doesn’t stay up all night playing video games and doesn’t sleep with ten women. Maturity practices self discipline and points a person’s character toward a noble aim. And I think, even in your early twenties, there is this need for guys like us to grow up, to sort of usher other boys into manhood, into commitment, into self-respect and an understanding that actions matter to more people than just ourselves.'”

Veneer: Living Deeply in a Surface Society by Timothy Willard and Jason Locy


From a chapter called Sawmill:

“Philosopher Peter Kreeft observes, ‘There is something radically wrong with a civilization in which millions devote their lives to pointless luxuries that do not even make them happy.'”


From a chapter called End Veneer:

“Every day, we encounter the spirit of this present age and, if we aren’t careful, it will shape the way we think, and subsequently the way we act. So we must take great care of our minds with regard to what we allow to shape our thinking. In both letters, to the Ephesians and to the Romans, Paul urges Christians to a different kind of mind, one shaped by God.”


The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brene Brown


Click here to read my post about this book. But see below for some additional quotes!

From a chapter called Exploring the Power of Love, Belonging and Being Enough:

“One of the biggest surprises in this research was learning that fitting in and belonging are not the same thing, and, in fact, fitting in gets in the way of belonging. Fitting in is about assessing a situation and becoming who you need to be to be accepted. Belonging, on the other hand, doesn’t require us to change who we are; it requires us to be who we are.”


From a chapter called Cultivating Intuition and Trusting Faith:

“I love this line from theologian Richard Rohr: ‘My scientist friends have come up with things like principles of uncertainty and dark holes. They’re willing to live inside imagined hypotheses and theories. We love closure, resolution and clarity, while thinking that we are people of faith! How strange that the very word faith has come to mean its exact opposite.'”


From a chapter called Final Thoughts:

“… in this world, choosing authenticity … is an absolute act of resistance. Choosing to live and love with our whole hearts is an act of defiance. You’re going to confuse, piss off, and terrify lots of people — including yourself.”

The 5 Love Languages: the Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman


Click here to read my post on this book.