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Communication.

Communication is beautiful.

I imagine my family discovered my life-long love for it long before I did. I was the kid who wouldn’t. stop. talking (only at home).

Communication creates and perpetuates a connection from one to others. It disseminates information. It affirms a person’s authenticity or in-authenticity. I like communication. I got a degree in it-like it. I am as infatuated with it as I am with grammar (and I am obsessed with grammar).

Which is why when I started grad school, it was both wonderful and painful to learn the following:

You.

Can’t.

Not.

Communicate.

It’s impossible. Everything you do or don’t do, every word you say or don’t say, every time your body moves and doesn’t

says…

something.

This isn’t actions speak louder than words. It’s actions (both voluntary and involuntary [e.g. body language], words (and their frequency and duration), inaction and silence all speak.

So we all always are saying something. We are in a constant state of sending and perceiving messages. But I think we get in trouble because we get a little caught up in assumptions.

We assume, for instance, that we’re on the same page (figuratively speaking). We assume so-and-so picks up from my facial expression what I intended to put down with it (when in reality, so-and-so might see “anger!” on my face when what I mean to say with it is “Dude! Do you smell that, too?”).

Which is why generally, it is good to use words. And it is better when you use actions to authenticate them.

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Telemarketers.

A couple times every workday, I get calls from telemarketers.

But the encounters are usually cordial, and always quick — I kick ’em off the phone before they finish their pitches. Early this month, however, a telemarketer caught me on a bad day. Then, he caught me off guard.

“Good morning!” he said. “How’s the new year treatin’ ya?”

“Not that great.,” I said, frankly. “But thanks for asking.”

“Well,” he said, and paused thoughtfully. “Remember — it’s just the start,” he said. “Give it time.”

Wise guy (sincerely).

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Ignore this advice.

This morning, like every weekday morning, I got an email from a guy named Tom.

I don’t know Tom. I don’t know how long I’ve been on his list. But he sends his subscribers an inspirational quote every day — a little insight designed to draw out the optimist in each of us, a message he hopes prepares us to see the day from a positive perspective.

Some days, I get something good out of what he sends.

Other days, there are three words I wish I could share with all Tom’s other subscribers, re: the quote of the day:

Ignore this advice.

Today was one of those days. And this is today’s quote:

“See things as you would have them be instead of as they are.” -Robert Collier

Oh, Robert. According to the Internet (I know — thorough.), Robert wrote a book (which he allegedly later admitted he only wrote in order to make a buck) chock full of advice like the above. Prior to critical thought about it, what Robert suggests sounds like a fun and fluffy effort to propel a person into positive thinking, or to protect him or her from turning negative thoughts into self-fulfilling prophecies.

But if you think harder…

“See things as you would have them be instead of as they are” sounds a lot like “Deny and distort reality because it’s easier than doing hard things.”

Denial and distortion are defense mechanisms. Denial is a person’s refusal to accept reality (because accepting a particular reality would make him or her feel uncomfortable). Distortion, according to this guy, is “a gross reshaping of external reality to meet internal needs” — an out from negative feelings when what’s really going on around us isn’t good.

Both denial and distortion are, essentially, seeing things as you’d have them be instead of as they actually are. Doing so has more to do with avoidance than optimism. If we avoid a difficult situation, we don’t have to do a hard thing about it. If we don’t have to do hard things, we don’t have to feel bad things. But avoidance stunts growth. Give yourself permission to feel.

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Books in 2012: Why do we Believe?

The first book I started and finished in 2012 is Why do we Believe?: Strengthening Your Faith in Christ by Father Benedict J. Groeschel, CFR.

Groeschel, a priest who is pretty popular in certain Roman Catholic circles, is both a Franciscan friar and a psychologist. This little book of his — which ends, if you don’t count the appendices (and I don’t), on page 103 — is divided into four parts: Faith in God, Faith in Christ, Faith in the Church and How to Grow in Faith. Groeschel gets to the point pretty frankly and pretty quickly and so, I will do the same. Here are some of my favorite quotes from the book:

Father Scheeben says, ‘The greater, the more sublime, and the more divine Christianity is, the more inexhaustible, inscrutable, unfathomable and mysterious its subject matter must be.’ He goes on to point out that Jesus would give a very poor account of Himself as the Son of God if He revealed to us only things that we could have deduced by our own minds.” – page 25 

 “Many people get involved in that useless old argument over faith and works. I never met good Protestants who didn’t think they should obey God’s will, and I never met good Catholics who thought they would get to heaven just by doing good works, such as giving away turkeys at Thanksgiving.” – page 33

“Taken together with the mystery of the Cross, the glorious Resurrection is both the summit and the great test of faith, as summits test the stamina of mountain climbers.” – page 56

“The Church is a collection of poor sinners. The Catholic Church is a collection of 1.1 billion very poor sinners. … it is no wonder we have trouble.” – pages 63-64

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Books in 2012: a series.

Dude. You should see my stack of unread books. (Click here.)

It is, in the history of stacks of things, not very big. 
But as far as I’m concerned, it’s taking up far too much of my space. So partly in effort to expand my horizons and partly because I want my closet to be bigger, I would like to take this opportunity to publicly declare 2012 ARLEEN’S YEAR OF SO MUCH MORE READING THAN IN YEARS PAST! (“Books in 2012” for short).
Assuming that while I read I am not also watching a How I Met Your Mother marathon or eavesdropping on the totally-unlikely-but-somehow-they-make-it-work couple sitting at the table nearest mine at Starbucks, I can pretty much comprehend what I read with clarity. But I am more likely to retain what I read if I dog ear the pages with the good stuff, underline the good stuff on those pages and share some of what I underlined with you on my blog. 
I have no real plans for uniformity in the posts in this series — no method in mind for imparting upon you, dear readers, the nuggets I stumble upon within this, my year of so much more reading than in years past. But my gut says that sometimes, I’ll just post quotes and others, I essentially will write my own book in response to a book I’ve read. I can neither confirm nor deny, however, that I will actually thoroughly review any of the books I read because, really, who they heck am I? (And also, I’m busy.)  
So in addition to the thoughts, rants and observations I tend to post at random, expect to see quotes from and/or thoughts about the books within the stack I intend to tackle this year.