Honored to have been interviewed by Array of Hope. In this — part two (of two) of the interview — we discuss a young person’s greatest pitfall, marriage, dating, and the importance of Christian community. Click here to read it.
Saving Sex: Why My Target Audience Isn’t Teens
The other day on Facebook, a reader learned that for my forthcoming book, called Chastity is for Lovers: Single, Happy, and (Still) a Virgin, the target audience is adults, and primarily young ones.* She suggested that in the future, I target teens instead. Another reader, who had asked if the book is fit for teens, suggested in jest that young adulthood is too late.
If the goal is necessarily to meet a reader before he or she has had sex, the latter reader is probably right: According to Advocates for Youth, 62 percent of high school seniors aren’t virgins. Six percent of high school students had sex by their thirteenth birthdays. Fourteen percent have had sex with four or more people.
The stats are shocking (or not, depending on your perspective).They point to how important it is to discuss sex with young teens (and younger). They may disappoint the people who wish I would. And don’t get me wrong — people should. And lots of people do (like Jackie Francois and Jason and Crystalina Evert and, ideally, kids’ parents or guardians).
But how important it is to talk chastity and sex with kids has too long overshadowed this: it’s important to talk about both with grown-ups, too.
It’s important for the sake of virgins, who are few and far between. Ninety-eight percent of women and ninety-seven percent of men ages 25 to 44 have had sex.** I write for adults because when people who are part of the two and three percent who haven’t had sex stumble upon my story, they learn — sometimes for the first time — that they aren’t as alone as they have felt.
It’s important for our own kids, who will turn into teenagers, and — let’s face it — into their parents. It is too late for adults to take back the sex they have had. It is not too late to learn a new way to approach sex. I write for adults because I want to present chastity to them — an alternative way of life, in case the way of life they’ve lived so far isn’t working. If adults don’t know chastity is possible, they won’t practice it. If they don’t practice it, they won’t model it for their kids.
It’s important because young adults who went to church as teens were told to save sex for marriage, and most of them didn’t — and that isn’t a good excuse to stop discussing chastity. I write for adults because adults deserve not to be forgotten; because being left out of the chastity conversation might be why most of us aren’t saving sex.
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*Teens certainly can get something good out of Chastity is for Lovers — especially older ones.
**according to the National Center for Health Statistics
[Announcement] THE COVER OF MY BOOK.
IT. IS. FINISHED.
The fabulous designers at Ave Maria Press have given color, flair, and life to the front cover of my story.
Grateful! Stay tuned for further book updates. Click here to read all of ’em so far.
Five things you didn’t know about “Chastity Is For Lovers.”
WRITING A BOOK IS HARD.
But it’s also exciting. You’re on track for awhile, say a thousand words a day, until — PLOT TWIST — you miss your deadline anyway. There are twists and turns, all-nighters in which you write your favorite chapter, and all-nighters after which you throw out what you wrote.
You can plan for whatever you’d like while you write, but some stuff you just can’t predict. Among the things I couldn’t predict are the first four fun facts below — things you probably didn’t know — and the fifth one, I threw in for good measure:
1. I wrote at least a third of Chastity Is For Lovers on an air mattress. The double-high air mattress, stuck between the foot of my own bed and the bookshelf across from it, was inflated for the house guests to whom I loaned my room. After they left, I sat on it with my laptop and I wrote. And then I wrote, and I wrote, and I wrote. And so on an air mattress (apparently the jackpot for inspiration) is where I wrote — I’m talkin’ for weeks — until I finally retired it and wrote instead on the floor.
2. Listening to “Say Something” by A Great Big World on repeat turned out to be a reliable remedy for writer’s block. Which is entirely inexplicable.
3. I ended a nearly eight-year caffeine fast in order to finish Chastity Is For Lovers. I quit caffeine in college because I am naturally caffeinated. (And because of the time it caused my resting heart rate to reach 150. #truestory) But writing a book meant pulling all-nighters, especially toward the end. In favor of meeting my already-thrice-extended deadline simultaneously as retaining my day job, I got my coffee on, a lot. I stuck with half-caf, mostly, and have since quit caffeine again.
4. I first learned Sr. Helena Burns would write the book’s foreword when she tweeted about it. I am pretty sure I screamed when Twitter notified me via my phone that Sr. Helena had tweeted that she’d write it. Unbeknownst to me, my editor — who knows how much I love Sr. Helena — had reached out to her with the invitation. And obvs, Sister said yes. Best. Surprise. Ever.
5. I want to bring the book to you. When the book launches in the Fall, I actually want to bring it to you. If you’re interested, help me make it happen! How? Tell me the name and location of your church and/or diocese in the comments below.
An Interview With Array of Hope (Part 1)
Honored to have been interviewed by Jack Beers for the Array of Hope Show blog. We talked about my upbringing, prayer and what to do in the early stages of a faith life in part 1. Click here to read it. Jack will post part 2 next week.